Raising children can be one of the most fulfilling and happy experiences of your life. But at the same time, parenting is no easy task. Every day comes with its own sets of challenges and roles.
When things are not going great with children, parents need to remember that -No two children are the same, and no child is perfect.
There is a growing tendency amongst parents to blame each other for their children’s misdeeds or bad behavior. When your husband constantly blames you for your children’s negative traits, it can strain your marital relationship with him.
Shifting the blame on your spouse is the easiest way to assign a reason for the bad qualities of your child. But while doing so, many parents fail to acknowledge how it will impact their children’s behavior and reaction.
1. The Upbringing Of Children Is A Collective Responsibility Of Parents
Being a parent is one of the most beautiful experiences. Raising a child requires a lot of hard work, maturity, and patience.
It doesn’t matter how tough and challenging things get; you must always give unconditional love to your child. Good parenting is the collective responsibility of both parents.
If your child has developed some bad habits, it is wrong for your husband to put all the blame on you. It should never be solely the mother’s responsibility if children behave inappropriately.
There are a lot of factors that contribute to a child’s behavior, and it is not fair on your husband’s part to put all the blame on you. It is important for fathers to take an active role in raising their children and not just be absent or passive.
In order for children to behave appropriately, they need to learn boundaries. Fathers should set these boundaries with their children and teach them how to act in different situations.
The phrase “it’s always mom’s fault” has been used by many people as an excuse for fathers who are not taking care of their responsibilities as parents. This is unfair because it is not only the mother who teaches her child about appropriateness and boundaries; fathers have a role in this as well.
He is being unfair and unkind to you by placing all the blame on you. You need to take a stand for yourself and let him know that you will not allow him to treat you like this. He cannot just run away from responsibilities by blaming you.
If he wants to change the behavior of children, he should start putting more effort into the family. Both of you must step up and establish boundaries in the family about what is acceptable and what will not be tolerated.
How adults behave and react in a house profoundly impacts how kids act and react. Therefore, these boundaries should be binding on children and adults.
2. Unnecessary Blaming Is A Red Flag For Your Relationship
If your partner blames you for things you have not done, it indicates that he takes you for granted.
Being blamed by your husband can be an exhausting and painful experience. It makes you feel that you are not equal in this relationship. You start to think that nothing you do will be good enough for him.
If this happens continuously, it will break down your sense of trust in your husband. And over time, you will develop a lot of anger and resentment toward him.
Your husband may be blaming you because he’s trying to get defensive. People often blame others when they think they are not being cared for and noticed in the way they want. Therefore, before jumping to conclusions, it becomes essential for you to get to the core of the issue.
Sometimes people blame their spouse when they struggle to deal with their emotions. Maybe he’s blaming you out of frustration or to cover up for his lack of effort in the relationship.
3. It Can Make The Relationship A Toxic And Unfulfilling Experience
If your husband always blames you for your children’s behavior, your relationship with him can soon become a very toxic and unfulfilling experience. You will lose the motivation to put in more effort for him.
And if this issue is not addressed on time, you may also start to fall out of love with him. It is a challenging job to raise kids; No mother wants her kids to misbehave. When your husband constantly criticizes your parenting style, it is natural for you to feel slightly disappointed about things.
When you got into a relationship with him, you expected him to give you the love, acceptance, and respect you deserve.
You expected him to be always there for you and help you become a better version of yourself. But when you see him constantly shifting the blame on you, the relationship soon starts to lose its meaning.
4. Couples Should Work As A Team
Raising kids is one of the most significant responsibilities that parents have on their shoulders.
Being reckless and ignorant about it can do irreparable damage to a child’s psychology and behavior. Both of you must work as a team and help your children become good human beings.
Relationships and marriage require a couple to stand together and overcome the challenges that life throws at them. These challenges are a normal part of a relationship; for every couple, they are simply something to overcome.
Some people wrongly believe that if two people are deeply in love with each other, the relationship should be smooth and easy without any problems. They believe that difficulties indicate that something is wrong in the marriage.
Every relationship will come across challenges and issues from time to time. That’s just the nature of relationships. The success or failure of a relationship will depend on how couples manage these challenges.
When things go differently than planned in a relationship, the couples sometimes start to work against each other and get out of sync.
You can either blame your partner for all the mess or inspire your spouse to work with you as a team to overcome these challenges.
Next time your partner blames you for your children’s behavior, you should tell him that rather than reacting negatively to this situation, he should start working together to improve things.
5. By Blaming You In Front Of Kids, He Is Setting A Wrong Example
As parents, you are required to appear as a united front before your children. As already mentioned, you must set healthy boundaries and ensure everyone in the house follows these boundaries.
When kids see that their parents are out of sync and have different viewpoints about everything, they can start manipulating this situation to get things done their way.
When parents do not respect each other in front of kids, the kids stop taking them seriously. They may also find it challenging to respect their parent.
6. Maybe Your Child Going Through A Challenging Phase In His Life
No matter what age your children are, being a parent is hard. You care about them so much it’s natural to worry.
Your worries could be related to their health, behavioral development, friends, school, etc. Apart from being a fulfilling experience, being a parent can sometimes be terrifying for one or both parents.
If your child is going through a tough phase, sometimes there is nothing much that you can do about it. In times like these, rather than turning on to each other, parents must appreciate that what they are doing is the best they can.
It is essential to recognize and appreciate that parenting is primarily about ensuring that your child feels safe, heard, and loved.
If he has problems with how you are parenting the kids, rather than complaining, he should step up and start putting more effort into parenting. Criticizing you will not help him or the kids in any way. If he seriously wants the situation to improve, he should come up with constructive ideas to improve things.