There could be many reasons why you are not excited about going on vacation with your partner’s family. Some of these reasons are –
– When you rarely get to go out on vacations, it is natural for you to want to spend it with people you like and the way you want it
When you go on a vacation with someone, it may require you to compromise on many things. It could be on the choice of hotels, destination, activities, budget, etc. You go on vacations to relax, but when you are pressured to accompany someone you don’t like, it takes out all the fun.
– I don’t have any big problem with my in-laws, but I am not comfortable spending a week with them in close confines where I have to see them repeatedly every day.
Maybe you share a perfect relationship with your husband’s family, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be excited about going on a vacation with them. Spending a week with them may sound like a terrible idea for you.
It could be because you find them unfriendly and unwelcoming. It could also be because they always cut you out of conversations and bring down your ideas.
Maybe vacations mean different things for your in-laws
Your idea of a vacation could be travelling and exploring as much as you can. On the other hand, a vacation for his family could be all about relaxing in luxury hotels and enjoying their amenities.
Not all of us have the luxury of going on more than one vacation every year. Therefore it is natural for you to want to spend it how you like it.
You’ve Accepted His Family The Way They Are, But You Are Not Very Fond Of Spending Time With Them
There are chances his family and you are poles apart regarding beliefs, perceptions, likes and dislikes.
People go on vacations to ease the stresses in their life. If you do not get along with your in-laws, ideally, you should not go on a holiday with them.
You’ve already done a great job by accepting them the way they are and not creating any fuss about it. But it doesn’t entitle your husband to pressure you into going out on vacations with them. If you want to go, no problem, but if you don’t feel like going there, your husband should not pressure you.
How to say no to your husband when he is pressuring you to go on a vacation with his family
If your husband is relentlessly pressuring you to go on a vacation with his parents and cousins, there are several things you can do about it –
1. Communicate Your Feelings to Him
Tell him why you think it is a bad idea to go on a vacation with his family. Tell him why it is not okay for him to pressure you to go when you are uncomfortable with them.
He must understand your concern. You can overcome even the most demanding challenges in a relationship by communicating powerfully with your partner. If he doesn’t know how you feel, he may feel encouraged to convince you to go on this vacation.
2. Come Up With a Solid Excuse
You can tell your husband’s family that you’d love to go, but your superiors at office will not allow you to take a leave at this point.
Or you can say – “it is very generous of you to ask us to accompany you on this vacation, but we have already finalized our vacation plans at a different place; we’d be more than happy to go with you guys next time.”
Depending on your situation, you can come up with more excuses like
– Work pressure
– Kids want to go to a different destination
– Health problem
– Minor home renovations
– Friend’s wedding, etc.
Your husband should try to understand your concerns and should not force you into situations where you are not comfortable.
If he constantly pressures you to do things you do not want to do, your relationship with him will stop being a happy and fulfilling experience. This will make it difficult for you to be yourself.
When you married him, he knew how you were; he knew what you liked and what you did not. Despite knowing your personality very well, when he pressurizes you to do things against your will, it can make things very challenging in your relationship.
He is your husband, and it is natural for you to want him to be happy, but this should not come at the cost of you being unhappy all the time.
When he overlooks your concern, he is being selfish and disinterested in your feelings. In relationships, sometimes it becomes essential to stand up for yourself. Maybe you find it very scary, but once you do it for the first time, it will start becoming easier and easier for you.
If this vacation is very important to him, it will not be a bad idea to make this small compromise for him
Sometimes it becomes important to make small sacrifices for someone we genuinely love and care about. If he is pressuring you to come along, it indicates that it is very important for him.
You can tell your spouse that although you are agreeing to his request, he must make sure that the two of you spend some quality time alone. He shouldn’t mind if you have to escape from the family for some time. Making reasonable compromises like this helps form a stronger bond with your partner.
Who Is Paying For The Vacation?
If your in-laws are planning this trip for a special occasion (For example -40th wedding anniversary), they will most likely be paying for it. In vacations like these, you will have a lesser say in planning and choosing the type of hotels and activities you will be doing.
If his family is paying for the vacation and it does not affect your other plans, you may consider accepting your husband’s request. It will be helpful if you can lay low, relax and see how things go.
If, however, things do not go as planned, you can use the negative situation from this trip as fuel to refuse any such future requests.
How to Ease Out the Tension while travelling with in-laws?
If your husband wants this vacation to be a happy experience for everyone, he needs to plan it that way.
– First and foremost, your husband should never invite his parents on vacations without discussing it with you. Similarly, he should not accept an invitation from his parents to go out on a long vacation without asking you.
– Have a clear idea about how your in-laws prefer to travel. Maybe your idea of a vacation is all about relaxing, but your in-laws may have plans to wake up at six and have everyone out the door at seven. Your husband must tell you about all this before leaving so that you can prepare yourself for what to expect.
– If there are unresolved conflicts between you and your in-laws, it will be in everyone’s interest if these complicated topics are not raised during the vacation. Drawing these boundaries before leaving will be in everyone’s good interest. And your husband must make an effort to establish these boundaries.
– Even if you think your in-laws are inconsiderate and unfair to you, try not to lose it during the vacation. Make your concerns known to your husband and ask him to take a stand for you.