Do you feel upset and guilty after doing things with your boyfriend? It is actually very common for people to go through a wave of negative feelings after being physically intimate with their romantic partner.
There could be many reasons why we feel this guilt – maybe over time, we have been conditioned this way, or it could be because of our past bad experiences. If you want to overcome this post-coital guilt, you’ll have to learn to embrace your feelings. You’ll have to dig deeper and get to the core of the issue.
Why Do You Feel Guilty After Doing Intimate Things With Your Boyfriend?
Unease and guilt after doing intimate acts with your partner is not something uncommon. A lot of people deal with these feelings from time to time.
Engaging in physical intimacy with your partner can be a good way to strengthen your connection with him. Some people believe that it is inappropriate to do intimate things with your boyfriend before marriage.
You feel sad and guilty because you think that what you did was wrong. Sometimes, you go through these feelings because your family does not approve of your boyfriend.
Past experiences, societal norms, cultural beliefs or your values can be a few of the reasons that can make you feel sad or guilty after sex.
If these overwhelming feelings are affecting your intimacy with your partner, then you must address them before it’s too late.
The first step would be to accept and acknowledge these negative feelings in your sex life.
1. Complexity in Relationship
An uncomfortable relationship is bad for your physical as well as mental health. It can put you under a lot of stress. This stress and anxiety can show up in weird ways. Maybe this is the reason why you feel a lot of guilt after having sex with your boyfriend. When things between you and your partner are not really great, having sex with him can sometimes make you feel uneasy. Our body manifests our emotions and tells our mind that something is not right.
When there are a lot of issues between you and your partner, it becomes difficult for you to maintain a healthy physical and emotional connection with him.
Keeping your feelings to yourself and not conveying your concerns to your partner will weaken your bond with him over time. The intimate things you do with him will not give you any gratification. The feeling that you do not connect with him can give you a lot of post-coital anxiety.
2. Poor Intimacy
In a relationship, sex is often the expression of love and intimacy between a couple. For some, it is nothing less than an emotional roller coaster. Having good physical intimacy with your partner will often help you relax and have a good time.
Sex can mean different things to different people. It can have a different meaning for you at different stages of your life (or relationship).
It is strongly believed that until and unless you have a strong emotional attraction for your partner, you won’t be able to feel physical attraction. The lack of physical and emotional attraction will prevent you from having a fulfilling relationship with your partner. This may be the reason why you feel sad and guilty after doing things with your partner.
If you can relate to this situation, it is important for you to focus on strengthening the emotional connection between you and your partner. You need to find ways to add more spark to your relationship.
3. Hormonal Fluctuation
For many of us, sex is a tool to uplift our mood. When you are doing intimate things with your partner, dopamine is released in your brain, which helps in elevating your mood and suppressing depressive thoughts.
But, when our body is going through hormonal fluctuations, it can have a deep impact on the emotional and cognitive functions of our body.
This can sometimes lead you to feel depressed and sad after having sex with your partner.
When you feel guilty after doing things with your partner, control your urge to jump to any conclusion. It could just be a small hormonal imbalance in your body that is making you feel sad.
4. Conscious About Your Body
Various studies have indicated that most women dislike their bodies. When you start overthinking about how you look, it can make you feel conscious about yourself. It lowers your confidence and prevents you from enjoying intimate things with your partner.
Having intimate relations with your partner is an act of vulnerability. To get the best out of this experience, you must feel comfortable in your skin.
When you start to feel conscious about your body issues, it kills your confidence. Having sex with your partner becomes an unpleasant experience that makes you feel guilty and sad. As soon as you finish doing intimate things with your partner, you feel an urge to hide your body.
When you struggle to feel comfortable in your own skin, you critique yourself and start feeling shy around others. Trying to embrace who you are can help you in bringing back your lost confidence.
5. Performance Anxiety
When you feel stressed or anxious about your sexual performance, it prevents you from enjoying intimate moments with your partner. Maybe you are overthinking/overstressing about pleasing your partner.
The feeling that you are not good enough for your partner or you are not capable of meeting his sexual expectations can make you feel less about yourself.
When you surround yourself with these feelings of inadequacy, it affects your self-esteem and can also damage your mental peace.
Focusing on improving your self-esteem will helps you in enjoying your life both outside and inside the bedroom.
6. You Don’t Enjoy Doing Intimate Things With Your Partner
If you do not enjoy doing intimate things with your partner, it could be because of some physical or mental issue that you are going through. These issues may be preventing you from deriving physical pleasure while having sex with your partner.
In long-run, these issues can make you feel depressed and insecure. If you can relate to this situation, it is important for you to open up with your SO about all this.
There are a lot of things you can do to improve this feeling. Rather than keeping these feelings to yourself, be upfront with your partner and focus on finding a solution.
7. Compulsive Sexual Behavior
When you are always occupied with sexual urges or fantasies which are difficult to control, it can have a traumatizing effect on your physical as well as mental health.
If you find yourself unable to control your sexual behavior and it has become the focus of your life, it might be a sign that you have compulsive sexual behavior.
This condition can negatively affect your personal, professional, and social life.
It has a detrimental effect on your self-esteem as well as your relationship. Taking professional help can help you in managing your compulsive sexual behavior.
Doing intimate things with your partner is fun, but when we get too hooked, we start viewing sex as a solution that can heal all problems in our relationship. Some people use sex as a tool to numb themselves and overcome pain.
Rather than focusing on addressing the big issues in the relationship, they start believing that sex is the solution to all relationship problems. But, when burying your pain under sex doesn’t work, it makes you feel sad and guilty.
How to deal with this situation?
It’s not always easy accepting intimacy with your partner, but try not to feel scared or anxious about it. Do not try to find an escape route from physical intimacy – this only further separates you two and prevents you from building stronger bonds.
Below are some tips that can help you get over these issues-
– Focus on Self-love; it helps you in improving your confidence and self-esteem.
– Identify the core issues
– Accept that what you are going through is normal
– Seek professional help
