In the initial days of dating, often, conversations between you two will sparkle like fireworks. You could listen to your boyfriend chat about everything for hours. Your friends and family members always pointed out how you spent hours on phone calls with your boyfriend.
But now you feel that conversation between you two is too formal.
There comes a time in the relationship when you both are tired of listening to each other’s opinions. You don’t feel the need to seek their perspective on things anymore.
Earlier, talking with him was a big source of joy and excitement, but now you no longer find it fascinating. The routines you had, the fun dramas no more excite you. Now conversation and phone calls between you are more or less transactional; the words of affections, the sweet nothings are replaced by reminders to get groceries.
Although you might be missing the affectionate conversations and endless banter you exchanged in the initial days of dating but, rest assured, these feelings are not unusual.
Even if you both don’t talk that regularly with the same enthusiasm, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is in danger.
Having not much to talk about doesn’t mean there is tension or lack of romance between you two. There could be many reasons behind this. As your relationship grows, you will observe changes in your interest, hobbies, activities, and stories. Rather than developing insecurities about your relationship, it will be better if you focus more on improving communication with your partner. When you grow as a couple, it is important to shift the nature of conversations from fresh to in-depth.
Below are some tips to help you have more and better communication between you and your special someone-
1. Ask Better Questions.
If you feel that your boyfriend is not interested in giving more than one-word answers to your questions like – “How are you” or “How was your day,” it’s time for you to ask some better questions.
There are a lot of questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no. You must try to replace these throwaway questions with something that encourages your partner to have an in-depth conversation with you. Think of something that he will find interesting and excited to share. You can try some open-ended questions like – “What are you working on these days at the office?” or “Today was fun because————–?” “what are some stresses that you are currently facing”?
Try to know more about what is going on in his life; what is he worried or excited about these days? And ask questions accordingly. When you ask the right questions, he is more likely to get into a fun and healthy conversation with you.
2. Focus More On “Why”
When you ask questions starting with ‘why’, it will help you understand your partner in a better way. “Why is your boss thinking this way? Why your company’s results are better than competitors? What inspired them to launch this new product? What motivated your friend to make that choice?”
Your sole motive should be to have expanded and in-depth conversations with your partner.
3. Bring Back Your Individuality.
When you first got into this relationship with your boyfriend, he found your individuality very appealing. He was fascinated by your passion for life, your stories, hobbies, and individual interests.
It’s time for you to bring these things back into your relationship. It will not be bad to take out some time for self-care. Going out more often with your friends and pursuing your hobbies are examples of a few things you can try. Focusing on self-care makes you emotionally stronger, which leads you to make healthy choices for yourself and the relationship. When you start to bring more to the relationship, things become more interesting and exciting for both of you.
4. Do New Activities Together.
When you both pursue shared hobbies and interests, not only does it strengthen the bond between you two, it gives you new topics for conversation. If you think you and your boyfriend do not have much to talk about, you must try new things together.
You can join yoga or dance classes together, go hiking, play tennis, try couples cooking, or play video games together. If the situation allows, you can think about taking up some long-term projects like planning that international holiday that you have been thinking about or maybe renovating the house.
When you have shared interests, it helps to maintain freshness and excitement in a relationship, especially when you don’t have fresh topics to talk about.
When you compliment your special someone, it gives them a feeling of being loved and appreciated. It makes relationships stronger by breaking the cycle of criticism, insecurity, and defensiveness. It would help if you made an effort to establish such an environment in your relationship where both of you feel encouraged to appreciate each other; It will help you make the relationship more fulfilling and meaningful.
Your compliments should look authentic and positivity-boosting. Admiring their passion for work or curiosity to learn new things and how smart they present themselves are a few examples of compliments that go deeper than normal.
Some of us have this tendency of raising protective emotional walls around us without even realizing it. We get rid of these walls when we feel secure, appreciated, supported, and loved by our romantic partners. It helps us open up emotionally with our loved ones and inspire us to have deeper and meaningful conversations with them.
Sometimes even couples in a healthy relationship can struggle hard to find topics to discuss with each other.
Spending quality time with friends will help you get rid of the pressure. It gives you fresh experience and perspective. Chatting about what’s going on in their lives and sharing some of your recent experiences brings back fun and excitement in your life.
Additionally, it also gives you fresh topics to talk about later. “Did you see that fancy watch she was wearing?”, “Should we also take that trip our friends were talking about”; “Yes – let’s do it!”. Everyone is happy!
Convey your Feelings
If you strongly believe that there is a deep-rooted reason for not having enough conversation with your boyfriend, you must convey your feelings to him.
For instance, you can tell him – ” I am not feeling too good about the current situation between us, and I imagine you are going through something similar, but I believe we can easily fix the problem if we can just talk about it. “
It may be possible that your partner is not aware of the changing dynamics of your relationship, honestly conveying your feeling to him can encourage him to be more emotionally available to you. If he genuinely cares for this relationship, he will try to have more conversations with you and bring back the lost excitement in your love life.
Have a Broader Perspective.
You must try to find out when was the first time you noticed that you didn’t have anything to talk about with your boyfriend. Can you think about any other reason behind this whole problem? If things have been like this for a while, try to figure out when it started. It will help you to get to the root cause of the issue.
You must look at your relationship from a broader perspective; it might be that your boyfriend is going through a tough time in his professional career. He might be taking too much stress, and staying silent might be his way of relaxing his mind. At this time, the last thing he needs is you blaming him for not making any effort for the relationship.
Maybe one of you is busier than normal, or you both have something else in your mind. There is a probability that what you are going through is a temporary phase; you should not stress too much about this.
On the other hand, if there is some deep underlying issue and you both are struggling to have a meaningful conversation for months, it will take more time and effort to fix the situation.
There are some cases where a couple has not been in a good place since the start of the relationship; then maybe you should rethink being part of this relationship. It would help if you did not waste your time on a relationship that is not likely to materialize.