My Boyfriend Ignores Me When His Daughter Is Around

Getting ignored by someone you genuinely love and care about is a painful and toxic experience. Yes, when you are with kids, you get busy, but it doesn’t take more than a few seconds to text or call your loved one. 

You did not get into a romantic relationship with him to get ignored.

It’s not as if his daughter never sleeps. If he is willing to, he can definitely take out some time for you. It is all about managing and balancing his priorities.

His Excuses Are Not Valid

When he tells you that he doesn’t have any time, he is just making an excuse. These excuses are not valid. No doubt, a daughter will always be very important to his father. But giving your romantic partner the love, respect, and time they deserve is also very important.

When he comes up with lame excuses like this, he is just trying to use his daughter to cover up his faults and guilt trip you. 

His Actions Will Make You Feel Unimportant And Disregarded

If you spend a lot of time and energy on a relationship with someone, it’s only fair to expect them to do the same for you.

If you want to meet him more often, but he is not ready to spare even a few hours for you every week, it indicates that the two of you are not on the same page in this relationship.

It is natural for you not to want to believe him when he uses his daughter as an excuse for his unavailability in this relationship.

If he genuinely loves and cares for you, he will find ways to spend more time with you. But, when you don’t see him making any effort, then maybe, Spending time with you is not his priority.

When your partner stops respecting and valuing you, you’ll soon start to develop resentment against him. And after some time, this resentment will make you fall out of love with him.

Spending Time With You Rather Than Being With His Daughter Makes Him Feel Guilty

In the back of his mind, he always tries to make up for the lost time with his daughter. If his daughter usually stays with her mom, then it’s understandable that he wants to make the most of any time he spends with her.

Whenever you are out with him, in the back of his mind, he’s wondering – “I could have spent this time with my daughter.”

Most people will say – that his priorities should be on his daughter.

But what about you? Will you ever come first for him? Where are you on the priority list?

The trust is – If his daughter is his #1 priority, you will have to compromise in this relationship.

It won’t make much difference whether he sees his daughter once a week or every day. Because when she’s around, his focus will be on him.

Sometimes his daughter will envy you for “taking away her dad’s attention”.

When his only focus in life is on his daughter, he will find it challenging to have a functional relationship with you.

His daughter will often become an excuse for him not to spend time with you and not to be there for you when you need him the most.

Caring and worrying for your children is an important part of your responsibility as a parent, but there must be a balance. By overly focusing on his daughter, he is becoming a helicopter parent, which will negatively affect his relationship with you and his daughter.

Compromising all other aspects of your life to be available for your children 24 x 7 can create an unhealthy environment for you and your child.

Couples Need Time Together

Relationships need quality time. You need to spend quality time with your partner to be able to grow your relationship with him and establish deeper bonds. In new relationships, it is natural for you to have the craving to spend as much time as possible with your boyfriend.

Spending time together, mainly when you and your partner are busy pursuing personal interests, can become difficult.

Depending on your schedule, you can plan to meet once a day, twice a week, or as frequently as you both agreed to meet.

Explain to him how his unavailability makes you feel and how it makes you have double thoughts about this relationship.

Make Healthy Compromises

Irrespective of how healthy or happier you are in a relationship, you are bound to have a difference of opinion with your partner. These differences will often lead to disagreements and fights.

You enjoy Indian food, whereas he enjoys Thai or Mexican cuisine; you are aligned with one political party, whereas he is affiliated with a group with opposing viewpoints. 

Sometimes, you will find it completely impossible to coexist with your partner because of your opposing views and beliefs. But this doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy; it is just a reminder that every relationship requires some compromise.

Ask your boyfriend how you can help him make this situation better. If he only gets Saturdays with his daughter and this is your only off day, then you can plan an activity with him and his daughter or meet him alone on Friday night.

Keep the communication open until you find a solution. It will not be a healthy decision for you to invest time in someone who is not ready to put in any effort for you. If you see him unwilling to make any adjustments, he may need to sort out his priorities first.

Compromising doesn’t mean that you have to agree to your partner’s point of view – it’s important to maintain your beliefs, values, opinions, and perspective while still managing to meet halfway with your boyfriend.

If He Wants To Be With You, He Will Have To Start Seeing You As A Priority

Getting into a relationship is easy; it’s what comes next that requires a lot of maturity, patience, and commitment. Relationships become happy and meaningful when both of you have the desire to make it work.

It is natural for people to fall off track every now and then. Almost every couple goes through a challenging phase in a relationship. 

When he stops prioritizing you, you may feel insecure, frustrated, and lonely. Expressing your displeasure to him will not be enough to solve the problem. In fact, blaming him for not prioritizing you might make this challenging situation even more challenging for you. 

  • Accept the situation. When he ignores you, it means that you are less important to him. Rather than blaming him, try to communicate your concerns in a healthy way – you can say something like – “I miss spending time with you.”
  • Work as a team to find the solution. Maybe he has a different love language than yours. For you, love could mean spending quality time together, whereas, for him, love could be something else. It will help if you can calmly convey what you expect from him.

Do Not Expect Him To Change Overnight

When you are not his priority, it makes you feel disregarded and overlooked. It will be challenging for him to change his old behavior pattern and prioritize you more. 

If you want a lasting relationship with him, you must give him some time. If he is willing to address this issue, you’ll soon start observing small positive shifts in his behavior.

However, if he is hesitant to bring any change in him or to make more space for you in his life or if he defends himself by saying – “you’re overthinking,” and your concerns are not ‘real’, then it’s a big red flag for your relationship.

In a situation like this – it will be in your best interest to end this relationship and move on with your life.

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