Conflicts and disagreements over financial issues can damage even the most perfect relationship. You will be surprised to know that more than 30% of adult partners report having relationship arguments and disagreements over money.
It is also believed that financial problems are one of the big reasons for divorce and split up between couples worldwide.
We believe that money brings happiness to our lives. Some of us didn’t have much money while growing up, while others had everything.
Irrespective of your financial background, you must manage the financial matters to ensure they don’t cause any relationship problems.
Money is Important.
As you know, that we live in a society which gives a lot of importance to money. Often, you get a feeling that you don’t have enough money. Obviously, you can’t buy love with money. But abundance or lack of money can cause serious relationship or marriage problems.
Although it carries great value in our lives, money can’t replace the moments we spend with our loved ones.
We need to have a good financial condition for our day to day survival. Money gives us a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat.
For some of us, money gives power and status in society. But still, we believe that is the root of all evils. When we start thinking of people with money as our role models and our heroes, we prevent ourselves from seeing them as who they really are.
Discussing financial issues can be very stressful for couples in a relationship. No couple in love enjoys discussing money issues with each other. But, there is no shortcut here; you need to have enough clarity about this issue to have a successful and peaceful relationship.
Relationship Problems Over Money.
When two people form a romantic relationship, they both come from different families and financial backgrounds. They both went through different styles of upbringing and had different lifestyles. This is why It is very rare to find a couple who have identical beliefs about money.
And this is the reason why money and relationship problems go hand in hand. It is a tricky topic for a couple, and it is essential to know that money issues will not go away if you ignore talking about them. In fact, not having a proper discussion about this can make things worse for a couple.
When discussing this issue, you must be polite and empathetic. In the initial stages of a relationship, your job is to make a strong foundation for a relationship; this is an ideal time to lay ground rules on how both of you will handle the finances in the future.
In a healthy relationship, you both must have enough clarity about the inflow and outflow of money.
Below are a few signs that money is putting a lot of stress in a relationship.
1. Your Priorities Don’t Match.
You both should work as a team in a relationship. Both of you have this duty to be responsible for the money. It is not ideal that one person has to keep an eye on how others are spending the money.
In a healthy relationship, both of your financial priorities should sync well with each other. For instance – if one of you is trying hard to save money for the wedding, the other should not be spending lavishly on an expensive smartphone or a big screen tv.
There should be enough trust between you two on the matter of finances. Things become much smoother when you both have identical goals and similar thoughts about money management.
2. Lack Of Communication On Financial Matters.
The ideal time to discuss financial matters in a relationship is at the beginning before you move in together.
Are you going to have a joint bank account? How good are the credit scores? How much money will you set aside for investments? And how much for fun recreational stuff?
Discussing finances should not be a stressful experience for you, but if you have poor or no communication on this aspect, it will probably become a painful experience.
3. Trying To Hide The Spending.
Often people try to hide their spending from their spouses. Your partner may see this as a betrayal. If you feel the need to hide your spending from your partner, then it means that you do not have the ideal levels of communication and understandings in the matters of money with your partner.
In a healthy relationship, you should always feel very comfortable sharing your spending details with your partner without fear of being judged.
4. Not Inclined Towards Compromise.
Often, you see people with opposing mindsets getting together to form a romantic relationship. This is more common with people having opposite financial views.
You might have seen many Spenders getting romantically involved with savers; one partner believes in planning for everything while the other believes in being more impulsive and living every day like there is no tomorrow.
The union of two people with opposing mindsets might look strange, but the truth is there is nothing wrong with this. Many people are comfortable giving due respect to their partner’s way of living and their different mindset about money, believing that it will balance the relationship.
But if, on the contrary, there is no proper communication on the matters of money, a relationship is significantly less likely to last.
Experienced couples will always tell you that successful relationships are all about realizing that you will not always be getting your way, and this is more so when it comes to money matters.
The best practice is to keep healthy discussions regarding big money issues until you both find mutual ground that works for you. It might look like a lot of effort, but you will realize it was all worth it a few years later.
5. Being Controlling.
Finances are a touchy topic for many individuals, and this is why you should not try to be controlling or judgmental about these issues when in a relationship.
Not realizing the sensitivity of the situation, many people try to impose limits on their spouses. Expert studies have discovered that more than 60% of men and around 45% of women wanted to spend on things that their spouse would never allow.
People in relationships do not like being told by their partners what they can do and what they can’t. It is a stressful feeling to realize that your spouse doesn’t respect your choices. Serious problems often occur in a relationship when one person is desperate to buy something, and their spouse is hell bound to stop them from buying it.
We are not implying that both of you should be spending irresponsibly on wasteful purchases. If your partner is being irresponsible and careless about the money, we are not asking you to be ok with that.
All we are saying is that you should find a balance and plan your joint finances so that each one of you also gets some room for freedom to spend on things that make you happy.
Your new romantic partner may have a lot of financial baggage. When one of you has more debt than the other, or when one of you does not have any debt, there are chances of conflict in the future. This is mainly in the case if your relationship lacks sound financial planning.
In a situation like this, often, the couple decides in the very initial stage that paying back loans and debts is the sole responsibility of the partner who availed these debts in the first place.
Do not allow money to damage your relationship.
Disagreements and conflicts regarding finances should never be allowed to become so big that they start to damage your relationship. Be honest with each other and plan your finances so that it gives both of you enough freedom.
None of you should feel stuck and suffocated in the relationship. You will feel happier and more satisfied as a couple when both of you respect each other’s financial decisions.