People, who feel a lot of insecurity in a relationship often wonder if their spouse is the right person for them? On the contrary, individuals who do not have any insecurity face lesser problems. They feel more happy and satisfied in a relationship.
When you feel secure, you are more than willing to support your partner and add more value to the relationship.
Being insecure is a very painful and sad feeling. You always have this thought in your mind that your partner is going to abandon your heart. You find it hard to have faith and trust in your spouse.
The relationship is not fun for you anymore; there is always this negative feeling that the bond between you two is getting weaker day by day, you think your spouse is no more affectionate with you.
If this issue stays unaddressed, sooner you will lose hope regarding the future of this relationship. There is so much stress and tension that people who go through this situation often start feeling that breaking up is the best option moving forward.
You wonder if it is in your hands to stop being insecure in the relationship – If yes, how to do it?
Reasons for Insecurity.
When there is a lack of emotional confidence and security in a romantic relationship, it fuels insecurity. It is wrong to say that there can be no insecurity when there is trust between a couple.
You may still feel insecure even if you have solid trust and faith that your partner will never cheat and you.
In many cases, the main reason behind insecurity is the hurtful experiences in past relationships. If your ex completely demolished your trust in a bad way, it may make it hard for you to feel secure in a relationship again.
Opening up and being vulnerable is key to having a healthy and successful relationship.
If your ex broke your trust, it makes you behave defensively in new relationships; it leaves you almost incapable of being vulnerable around your romantic partner.
Being overly defensive gives birth to the feeling of insecurity, and you start wondering if you are with the right person.
It is essential to understand that being insecure doesn’t mean you are with the wrong person. Most probably, because of your insecurity and lack of faith, you yourselves are pushing your spouse away and sabotaging the relationship.
Many people are not aware of how their insecurity is damaging their relationship, while others are aware, but they don’t know how to deal with this insecurity. If you can relate to these situations, you can get expert counseling and focus on being more self-aware to make things better.
It will help you get to the core of the issue and understand what is triggering your insecurity. Positively scrutinizing the whole situation will help you better understand how compatible you are with your current relationship.
1. You Don’t Allow Your Spouse To Do Anything Without You.
Failing to show trust in your spouse is the biggest sign of insecurity in a relationship. Not giving your partner any freedom and feeling threatened by the mere thought of your spouse spending time with their friends or co-workers shows that you don’t trust your partner.
You must try to build more faith in your romantic partner; if you can fix it, good; otherwise, you must re-evaluate your whole relationship.
If you feel uncomfortable giving even the slightest room to your partner to breathe, it may lead to a lot of stress and frustration in the relationship.
2. Lack Of Intimacy.
Lack or absence of physical and emotional intimacy between a couple can create a lot of problems. Your partner makes the first move to make love to you, and you, on the other hand, bring the guards up. It indicates that something is not right between you two.
In a situation like this, your focus should be on bringing more clarity regarding intimacy. Maybe you and your partner have different views regarding it.
Your spouse may not view intimacy the same way as you do. It may be possible that your partner value emotional intimacy more than physical intimacy.
Also, try to find out why you are all guards up when your partner tries to be physically intimate. If you think your spouse truly loves you and you want this relationship to grow, try to find answers to these questions.
Digging deeper into the core reasons for the insecurity will help you communicate better with your partner. It would help if you were honest, patient, and empathetic to your SO to understand your differences better.
3. You Procrastinate Discussing Confrontational Topics.
No one likes arguments and disagreements with their romantic partners, but procrastinating important discussions is also not the way to go in a healthy relationship.
Avoiding discussions on contentious issues is a sign of insecurity; doing this may lead your partner to be aggressive and offensive with you.
For a couple in a romantic relationship, it is essential to open up and confront where necessary.
4. You Feel Attacked To Easily.
When you get hurt and offended too easily and very often by your partner, it is a sign that you are insecure. Even when your partner has no such intention, you feel criticized and defend yourself by giving unnecessary arguments.
This happens when you have too many assumptive thoughts in your head. You misread your partner’s intentions and make a mountain out of a molehill too often.
Couples in a healthy relationship will always view things from an objective lens. They avoid being hyper and jumping the gun without thoroughly understanding their partner’s intentions
5. You Seek Constant Reassurance From Your Partner About The Relationship.
Individuals with relationship insecurity will often seek assurance from their partner that the relationship is going fine. They use different means to seek constant approval from their Significant other.
There is nothing wrong with asking your partner how they feel about you. But, repeatedly doing this might push them away.
You love me? Do you care for me? Am i attractive? How do you feel about this relationship? When you constantly ask questions like these from your partner, it can become a bit overbearing for them and can negatively impact your relationship.
6. Creating Mountains Over Molehills.
Many people have this habit of fighting over minor insignificant issues and making them something they are not.
Having constant conflicts and disagreements over minor avoidable issues and saying hurtful things to your romantic partner will harm your relationship.
If you can relate to this situation, you must try to reflect on the last few disagreements or fights you had with your spouse. Ask yourself, was it worth it to fight over those issues? By having regular conflicts on these minor issues, are you self-sabotaging your relationship?
Try to get hold of your triggers and see if there are any particular patterns that you are not aware of.
Maybe you are fighting over smaller issues because you are disappointed and worried about more unresolved significant problems in your relationship at the back of your mind.
You don’t want to confront your spouse on these bigger issues, but you find it easier to argue about more minor problems instead of addressing the bigger ones.
7. You Don’t Like Being Left Alone.
For people who are already insecure, being left alone is a horrible situation—this fear of being left alone forces many people to stay in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship.
Speaking with people close to you or taking professional counseling can help you get a bigger outside perspective on why it is important to be independent and on your own.
You must understand the importance of self-care and self-love rather than wasting your time in an unhealthy relationship that you don’t deserve.
8. You Don’t Accept Yourself.
When you are insecure, you find it hard even to permit yourself to be you. People get so busy self-judging themselves that they don’t realize how damaging this is to their self-confidence.
Focus on self-care, work on yourself, identify your strengths, allow yourself to grow as a person, don’t fall into the trap of co-dependency. Analyze how your past experiences affect your present, find ways to work through them. Give yourself the love and support you deserve. Stop relying on others to fix your imaginary problems.
When you accept yourselves the way you are, you will feel more confident and empowered to deal with problems in an authentic way.
It will help you have better control over your mind and will make better decisions. You can push away the negativity from your relationship and feel more secure and confident about your Significant other.