It is not uncommon for people to feel paranoid when they think that their ex-partner is testing them. It can be nerve-racking to wonder whether your ex is trying to get in your head or if it’s just paranoia kicking in. But there are ways to tell if your ex is testing you and what you can do about it.
Reasons Why Your Ex Wants to Test You.
=> They are curious –
Maybe your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is wondering what you think about the current state of their relationship, or they just want to know how you’re doing. They might test your reaction and see what comes out ahead of these latest developments.
=> To help them make an important decision –
Your ex may be trying to make an important decision, and they want to test you. They might also be thinking about contacting you again.
Testing you like this will help them figure out whether or not they should trust you. Your response will have a bigger impact on their decision than any other person’s response could have.
=> Power Trip –
They are trying to make you jealous; they think these tests are only way they can convey a message that their life is better than yours after the breakup. Maybe they want to tease you to get a response from you.
By doing these tests on you, they are trying to re-exert the power that they think they lost in the process of breakup.
They also want to feel empowered and in control again.
Below you will find a few sure-shot signs that your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is testing you.
1. Checking to See If You Are Pursuing New Romantic Interests In Your Life.
Your ex girlfriend or boyfriend can be a bit of a stalker. They might have moved on from you, but they are still curious to know if you are doing better than them.
They try to be low-key and unobvious about it because they don’t want you to know that they are checking on you.
You will see them asking questions like – “How was your weekend? Were you alone? Are you still planning to go to that event? Who are you going with?
Although you may find it perfectly normal, but it may indicate that your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is planning to get back to you. Before making any move, they want to ensure that you have not moved on. This may be one probable reason why they are trying to keep a check on you.
2. They Want You to be Jealous.
Trying to make you feel jealous is one of the most obvious signs your ex is testing you. Either they want to see how quickly they can get under your skin, or they want to know if you still have feelings for them.
To get you to react, your ex will intentionally do certain things or make statements that make your feel jealous.
Sometimes your ex still wants to know if there are some positive changes in your behavior after a breakup. They will try to get you jealous, but this is often just an attempt to get a reaction from you.
Your ex might be trying to make you jealous by posting pictures or messages in social media or posting Instagram stories that make it seem like he or she is dating someone else. They may also try to convey messages to you through mutual friends.
3. They Try to Ignore You.
One of the other signs indicating that your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is testing you is when they try to ignore you.
The only reason they do it is to know how you will react – whether you have decided to move on or will you attempt to get them back. They want to know if both of you are on same page.
They are curious about whether or not you’re missing them or if you’re finding it hard to live without them. By ignoring you, they have left the ball in your court.
Some signs that your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is testing you might include ignoring your calls and avoiding you in public places. If they are taking this action, it means they are testing you to see how much longer you can take before giving up.
Suppose your gut feeling tell you that they have intentionally stopped talking to you. In that case, it’s also possible they are still feeling guilty and confused about their relationship with you.
In many cases, this person may be waiting for you to make amends for the past and show them a new side of you.
Ignoring you could be a sure sign that your ex is testing you. Another scenario could be that they no longer care enough to respond.
Whatever the reason may be, it’s important for you to be aware of the situation. This will help you make better decisions and avoid future heartaches.
4. They try to Casually Reach Out.
When an ex-lover tries to casually reach out, it gives you mixed signals. Usually, it indicates that they are trying to test the water before easing their way back into the relationship.
This is normally in the cases then they’ve realized what they have with you is worth fighting for.
You may see them approaching you and asking casual questions like “hi, how are you?” or “How are you doing?”
Why not just answer casual questions from your ex? Many experts believe that you should avoid answering casual questions from your ex. It may seem harmless at first, but it can lead to a larger conflict later on down the line.
But, you must also consider that maybe your ex just wants to check how receptive you are to them in the current circumstances.
You should also consider that your ex may want to move on from the current situation. They might want to use this opportunity to begin reconnecting with you.
There’s a chance your ex may just be in the lobby to see if you’ll react positively when they say something like, “hey, what’s up?” And only once they get a positive response will they will drop hints and will try to discuss deeper and complex topics like getting back together. They want to know if you still feel the same way about them.
In some cases, they may be trying to figure out if you are still angry with them by casually approaching you. This would typically happen in the case when they are the ones who dumped you and now want to check on how you’re feeling.
5. They Assume a Lot.
When you see them making assumptions or intentionally jumping to wrong conclusions, it is one of the important signs your ex is testing you. It may leave you feeling confused, but they usually do this to get a response from you.
Instead of asking questions, you will observe that they will make assumptions or a claim just to see your reaction. They want to see whether you acknowledge or deny their claim.
When they do it, they make sure that it is seen as a joke because if you don’t respond, they will be able to easily brush it off.
6. Conversations Turn Sexual.
Imagine you and your ex having a healthy conversation; it looks like everything is going so great between you two.
Suddenly, you see him flirting a little bit, and in no time, this conversation is all about sex.
You will notice every time you talk with him, it leads you to have sex with him.
When you see your ex-boyfriend doing this, he may be testing to know if you are open to sleeping with him again. They might be interested in having friends with benefits relationship with you in the back of their minds.
Many women fall for this trap because they think that it is important for them to sleep with their boyfriend to get back with him.
7. They show That They Don’t Have any Feelings For You.
It will not be very unusual for your ex girlfriend or boyfriend to say some nasty and hurtful things to get your reaction. They don’t even mean to say these things most of the time.
When you try to have a conversation with them, they will make it a point to let you know that they are now a new and improved version of themselves and they don’t have feelings for you anymore. They may even get completely straightforward and say that – you mean nothing to them now. It may leave you feeling rejected.
This is another test that people do on their exes. They want to know how willing you are to get them back. How much work are you ready to put in. How you go about making them fall in love with you again.
You must makes sure that you are not coming across as someone who lacks confidence in them and cannot cope with the fact that you are not in a relationship with your ex anymore.
8. Emotional Support
Your ex may try to test you by being vulnerable around you to seek emotional support.
Before reacting, you need to look at the timing of this test. Them seeking emotional support can mean different things at different times.
It will have a different meaning when they seek support soon after the breakup and a few months after the split.
When they open up to you immediately after the breakup, it implies that they feel insecure because they were dependent on your emotional support during the relationship. They might be feeling really lost without it.
In some cases, it happens that although your ex wants emotional support from you, they also want to stay physically intimate with someone else.
Suppose you see your ex suddenly trying to be emotional and seeking support from you after a few months of the breakup. In that case, it will mean they are just testing the waters. They may want to know if you can be trusted again.
This usually means that your ex is missing the emotional benefits they experienced with you during the relationship. It could indicate that they want to get back together with you.
The timing of this test makes it a little tricky. If you get tested after the breakup, it’s important to not go overboard with emotional support.
But, when it is after a few months, and both of you still have strong feelings for each other, you can go above and beyond without any hesitation. Make it a point that they see you as strong emotional support missing from their life for the past few months.
9. They Ask You About Your Thoughts.
Another popular trick that your ex-lover may use to see your response is asking about your thoughts on the current situation.
When you give a response and start talking about the things that led to the breakup, you may see them asking questions like –
“In your opinion, do you think things would have been better if…”
– “Do you think, things would have worked out if….”
They play mind games by avoiding to speak their mind and telling you what they feel. You will see them as not being direct about what they want. They try to put it on you while figuring out what you feel about getting back.
10. They ask Career Related Questions.
Suppose the reason for your breakup was somehow related to you not doing well professionally. In that case, your ex may do this test on you after the breakup.
It is a big deal-breaker for many people when their spouse lacks financial stability. So, if you were not doing professionally well, and this was a reason for the breakup. Your ex might be doing a test to know if there has been any improvement in the situation.
They may indirectly ask general questions about life or work to get an idea about how you are doing these days professionally.