If you share a strong connection with your partner and have a very happy and meaningful relationship with him, being together will bring out the best in both of you. However, if there is no compatibility and your relationship with him is highly toxic, then being with each other can have a traumatic effect on your mental health.
We often encounter couples who have trouble staying calm and in control with their partners. Although they are patient and in control at work, they find it very hard to be the same with their romantic partner.
They get furious over every trivial thing in their relationship. Every day they find themselves getting stubborn over small things just to prove they are right. In the back of their mind, they want to let go of these small things, but still, they find themselves trapped in the pursuit of winning every argument. Things get so toxic that they start believing their relationship with their partner will soon come to an end.
If you think that your SO brings out the worst in you, you need to take a step back and look at things from a broader perspective. Try to identify the core reason behind your disappointment. Below are some of the signs that your relationship is bringing out the worst in you-
1. Both of you are always competing with each other
If you are in an unhealthy relationship with your partner, you will always see yourself trying to be better than him. In the back of your mind, both of you are always planning about giving a befitting reply to your partner for something they did. There will be a lack of communication, and most of the time, you will find yourself expressing your feelings through anger and manipulation.
Sometimes having a little harmless banter with your partner is a good thing for a relationship. But when you are fighting every time for every big and small thing, your relationship will bring out the worst in both of you.
In a healthy relationship, your partner will try to help you become a better version of yourself. He’ll ensure you get the love, acceptance and respect you deserve.
2. Every small argument turns into a big fight
Disagreements and conflicts in a relationship are inevitable. No two individuals can have the same perspective about life; they will have their own way of looking at things. We have our own thinking patterns, views and emotional responses. This is why it is completely normal for a couple to have conflicts and disagreements.
It is wrong to view these disagreements and conflicts as a bad thing for your relationship. Experts believe that these conflicts can help a couple strengthen their connection with each other. They help them to better understand each other and work as a team.
But when these disagreements turn into constant screaming, disrespecting and rash decisions, your relationship with your partner can soon become a nightmare.
If you often find yourself in situations where – you can’t tolerate things, you’re on the verge of giving up, the blood is boiling, and you feel strongly discouraged to even see his face -then it is time for you to address the underlying issues in your relationship before it’s too late.
If you bring out the worst in your special someone (and vice-versa), you will be projecting a lot of negative energy, which will make it difficult for both of you to have a satisfying and happy relationship with each other.
3. You don’t treat each other as equals in relationship
In an ideal relationship, no individual should try to overpower their partner. If one of you is a control freak, the relationship will soon become abusive and toxic. Stop focusing your energy on proving that your partner is less than you. If you want this relationship to succeed, you must make sure your partner feels heard. You need to let him know that you genuinely love and care for him.
Wanting to come across as you don’t care about things when you do care about them indicates that you are not mature enough for this relationship.
4. You or your partner have picked up self-destructive and bad habits
Feeling depressed and discouraged all the time may lead you to pick up negative habits. You will find it convenient to blame your partner for these habits. But in reality, it is only you who should be blamed for your poor choices. You picked these habits because you wanted to escape from reality.
When your relationship brings out the worst in you, it sometimes leads you to make bad decisions by ignoring your better judgement.
How to deal with the situation?
Understand the difference between listening and agreeing
When you want something from your partner, they are not always required to agree with you. If you constantly push your partner to agree with you, it will be in your best interest to take a step back. Always wanting to get things done your way in a relationship can push your partner away from you. Give yourself a break, take a step back and try to see things from a better perspective. Don’t make it about your ego, and try to be more flexible and patient.
Learn how to cope with your triggers
Try to have a better understanding of your emotional triggers. Are there related to your childhood trauma or bad experiences from your past relationship? Find a way to deal with these triggers. If you think you need professional help, go for it without giving it a second thought. If you strongly believe in the future of this relationship, it is important for you to focus more on your mental and physical health. It is easy to blame your partner for all the mess in your relationship, but it is only when you start working on yourself you can inspire your partner to bring a change in himself.
It’s not possible for your partner to always agree with your point of you
You have to understand and accept that your partner cannot always agree with your perspective. He doesn’t live inside your brain. Both of you have different life experiences, values and beliefs.
It should be good enough for you that your partner gives you compassionate listening when you are expressing your views. If they do not fully agree with your point of view, you should have no problem with that. Forcefully convincing your partner to agree with you can weaken your connection with him. The best thing for you to do is accept the way they are. Constantly trying to change them or their point of you can negatively affect your relationship with him.
If he triggers you all the time, speak with him about it
He will never deliberately trigger your emotional reactions if he genuinely loves and cares for you. If he triggers you all the time, then maybe the two of you don’t understand each other. Let him know how his actions are making you feel. Tell him how it is making you have second thoughts about this relationship. If he wants to have a lasting relationship with you, he will be willing to bring a change in his behaviour. But on the other hand, if you see him defending his actions, then it is a big red flag for your relationship. It indicates that he doesn’t care about you.
Consider letting go of small things in relationship
Forgiving each other’s mistakes and imperfections is very important if you want to have a healthy and mature relationship. It can be difficult to let go of things in a relationship, especially when emotions are running high and you are mad and furious at your partner. Maybe he got mad at you for no reason, or he has started taking you for granted. Doesn’t matter what sort of relationship you have; there will be moments when emotions will take the best of you.
Sometimes it is important to choose to let go of things. Letting go doesn’t mean that you are submitting to your partner; it doesn’t mean that you will come across as a weak person. Being aggressive will not help you to prove your point, nor will it help your partner to realize his mistakes. Sometimes letting go of things helps you to have a better connection and understanding with your partner. It prevents your love and relationship from bringing out the worst in you.