One of the happiest feelings in the world is when you think you’ve found someone you want to live the rest of your life with. But many times, these new and exciting emotions lead you to make unhealthy choices.
Stable mind, patience and strong reasoning are key to a healthy and lasting relationship.
Speaking about milestones in a relationship, as far as the common beliefs go are –
– First time you get intimate
– First time you say ‘I love you.”
– First time you meet each other’s family.
– And then, Moving in together.
One of the most challenging questions in a relationship is how long should one date before deciding on moving in together and how soon it is too soon to move in.
It is often said that one should wait at least a year before moving together with their romantic partner. If you want things to go down smoothly, it is important to have a clear picture of what you are getting into.
Before jumping on to any decision, you must try to get an idea about the living style of your romantic partner.
Couples who have opposing mindsets and go through many disagreements in their daily lives will find it difficult living together. On the contrary, the couples who have a lot in common and have similar views will find the experience of living together more satisfying.
The time one should wait before moving in together will vary from couple to couple. It is not common to see some couples shacking up together just after few months of their first date. On the other hand, some people take it slow to better understand their SO’s quirks before making the plunge into living together.
In recent times more and more unmarried couples are deciding on moving together. As per a report published in 2014 by Council on Contemporary Families, it has been found that in comparison to the year 1950, cohabitation has increased by more than 900 per cent. The ratio of cohabiting couples is growing much faster than married couples.
When you have lived together for a while, you get to know your partner very well; you start seeing them at their best and worst. you may realize that you both are not as compatible as you initially thought. For many couples, this is the point where they decide to move separate ways.
It is important to fully understand the person you are going to live with because many people find it very challenging to break up while living together. You’ve probably heard it many times that you should date or marry your best friend because both of you know everything about each other. The same idea applies to living together as well.
Things to know about your partner before deciding to move in-
The more you know your significant other better, the more prepared you will be. Below are few essential aspects that you must know before moving in with your SO –
Try to know more about his temper. It can be a very stressful and toxic experience living with someone who is short-tempered. This is particularly in the case where you didn’t have any idea about their temperament beforehand.
If you like to keep things clean around yourself, and your SO is not so particular about it, it may cause some friction between you two in the future.
When you live together, you will be sharing finances with your partner. Apart from this, you might also have many other financial concerns to discuss. If possible, try to clarify how things will be on the financial front after moving together.
Long term plans
You must ask your SO. about his future plans, where does he see himself in the next five years in terms of work, location, family, career etc. Moving in together is a big step; your only purpose should be to make sure that you two stay on the same page for the time to come. For example, if he plans to move to a different city in the future and you are not comfortable with it, it’s better to find a solution now.
Different people react differently to the same situations. There will be times when things don’t go as per plan. Knowing how your partner will react in tough times, like when someone doesn’t agree with them, will help you make a better choice regarding whether you should live together or not.
Moving in together is a big step; it has the potential to make or break a relationship. Living together brings you close to each other; sharing a place with them makes you know them better. On the downside, you also get to know the unpleasant side of your SO – how short-tempered or unhygienic they are, how they always forget to put the toilet seat down, how they like to keep the week’s old leftover food in the fridge, how they don’t like to take the trash out. The other most stressful part of moving in together is sharing the finances together. This is the reason why you should have serious discussions before moving in with your SO.
Both of you need to understand why the other one wants to move in together. Whatever the reason is – obvious next step in the relationship, financial reasons, convenience factors or if there is marriage in mind – both of you should be on the same page regarding this next big step.
When to move in together?
As per a recent study by Stanford University, around 25% of couples move in together after four months from their first date, 50% do it after a year, and 70% move in by two years. Keeping this in mind, it is impossible to predict an ideal time to take this big step. Every relationship is unique in its way; the factors which speed up or slow down these decisions are often beyond your control.
Below we have listed down real-life experiences of few people for you to get a better idea on this subject –
1. It’s been 15 years since we moved in together. We took the decision soon after our second date. It’s not been easy; we both went through some bad patches and have gone through every relationship phase. I can recall many moments where I almost quit, but deep down, I knew he truly loved and cared for me; I am proud that I chose to stay. – Emily
2. Moved in 7 days after our first date, Married after five months, living happily together for six years now. – Ethel
3. I dated my husband for eight months before deciding to move in together. When we were around five months into the relationship, I got a very good job offer in a different city. After some discussions, he offered to move along to the new city. Because he was moving to be with me, It did not make any sense for us to live in two separate apartments in the new city. 2 months after I got that offer, we both were living together in a different city. I found it very comfortable living with him. Because he was there, I always felt at home in this new apartment – Shirley
4. After dating for six months, I decided to move in with him; I needed a break from my parents. After the very first week, it started feeling stressful; I found him to be very controlling. It didn’t work out; I think I moved in too soon. – Lacey
5. We were roommates for few weeks before we began dating. So, Zero days. – Gloria
6. One month into the relationship, we were already discussing living together, getting married, and maybe buying an apartment. It was laughable, but still, it worked, and everything went smoothly. Back in my mind, we always thought that we were getting ahead of ourselves, but because our views matched and we were on the same page, things worked out pretty well for us. We moved in 5 months after our first date, and it’s been two years now, things are still exciting. – Darlene.
7. We started dating in March 2017; he was living with his parent. By January 2018, I moved in at his house. Two years later, now we have our own apartment. It was not my first relationship; I have never lived with any of my exes. But the moment I met my him, I knew that I had finally found the man I was going to marry. – Patricia. – Laura
8. It’s been four years into this relationship. I think we will move in by the end of this year. – Valerie
So, the bottom line is that there is no right time; it all depends from relationship to relationship. You must understand that it gets down to the level of adjustment (or compromises) that you are willing to make to add strength and meaning to your relationship.