Relationships are tough, and sometimes they can feel like the best thing in the world, while other times they make you feel suffocated.
It starts off with a feeling of euphoria and a sense of being on top of the world, but then it shifts to feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. You start to wonder if you’re doing something wrong or if there is something wrong with you. You start questioning everything about your relationship and what’s going on in your life.
When things are not going in the right direction in a relationship, we try to convince ourselves that this is just a rough patch. But when you can’t stop thinking about your partner without eliciting lots of negative feelings, it might be time to accept that you’re in an emotionally draining relationship.
In situations like these, you will want to stay at a distance from your partner. You will have no problem if he stays out late or goes on long business trips. In fact, you feel relieved when he is gone.
Causes of Emotionally Draining Relationships
Before trying to find a fix for this situation, it is important to first understand what you are going through.
In an emotionally draining relationship, you will feel exhausted all the time; you will feel irritated and suffocated around your partner.
The relationship will start to lose its meaning. Things will look hopeless, and you will feel demotivated throughout the day.
Depression, stress, anxiety, and money problems are a few of the top reasons that negatively impact most relationships.
It is a terrible feeling to live with a partner who doesn’t care for your happiness and sucks the life out of you.
Below there are a few common causes of emotionally exhausting relationships.
Expectations
Most of us get into a relationship for love and acceptance. We want a meaningful and committed partnership with a person we deeply love.
The feelings and ideas we have about relationships are often influenced by what we read in the books or have seen in the movies.
This often leads us to develop unrealistic expectations from our partner and relationship.
It’s natural to have expectations from your partner. However, unrealistic expectations may cause unnecessary stress on your partner as well as the relationship.
Often times, partners can’t agree on what to expect and not to expect from each other. This can make the relationship very tiring for both of them.
For instance -You might think it’s unfair that your partner isn’t always able to understand how you’re feeling, But it’s just not realistic to expect this of them.
Unhealthy Coping
Many people grow up in abusive environments and don’t know how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy behavior. When they are in a toxic relationship, they may not notice how much pain they are in. This can lead them to take up harmful coping mechanisms, which further compounds their problems.
For example, someone who is going through a lot of pain may not realize it. They start to develop habits like excessive drinking, gambling, or drug abuse to deal with the difficult things going on in their personal or professional life.
Trouble Controlling Emotions
Some individuals may suffer from impulse control disorder. They often find it hard to control their emotions and reactions. Taking medical help for conditions like this can help them better manage their emotion and feelings.
Lack of Self Esteem
When your partner starts getting insecure about the relationship, they will feel that they are less than you and undeserving of this relationship. This may lead them into becoming emotionally abusive with you.
There will be constant fights, arguments, and unresolved issues. You will always see him trying to prove that he is better than you. Because they feel insecure, all their actions will be towards lowering your self-esteem.
Lack of Self Love
It becomes practically impossible to have a happy relationship with your special someone when you are unhappy from within. Lack of self-love and self-care often make you feel that you are a part of an emotionally exhausting relationship.
For instance – if a person is going through depression or excessive stress due to financial, professional, or any other reason, he/she is likely to have huge expectations from his romantic partner for help and support.
And suppose the partner is himself struggling with the matters in his own life. In that case, it will lead to an emotionally exhausting relationship.
What Are the Signs That Your Relationship is Draining You?
1. You Find it Difficult to be You Around Him
In relationships, it is a big Red flag when you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself and sharing how you feel with your significant other.
Maybe you are trying to avoid a conflict or do not want to hurt his feelings. It is important to understand that hiding the truth from your partner is always a terrible idea in a relationship.
It’s sometimes tempting to suppress the facts from your partner for the sake of avoiding conflict now. But in the long term, this will likely lead to a lot of misunderstandings and arguments between you two.
The relationship will become very difficult for you when your partner finds out that you were being dishonest with him.
2. You Are Only Worried About His Happiness
We often focus too much on fixing problems in our partner’s life without taking care of our own.
You will find yourself constantly supporting and helping your partner to make sure that they feel heard and cared for. You feel disappointed when you don’t get a similar type of support from your partner.
When your partner is going through a rough time in his life, you’ll find it necessary to take the role of a caretaker in your relationship. You want your relationship to be meaningful and healthy. Therefore you try your best to help and support your partner and be his number one cheerleader in these tough times.
This continuous emotional effort can soon become exhausting if your partner fails to do his best to overcome the problems in his life.
When you worry too much about your significant other at the cost of your own happiness, it is going to drain you emotionally.
3. You Are No More Affectionate Towards Your Partner
When your partner always belittles you and makes you feel inferior in the relationship, it is natural for you to feel less affectionate towards them. This is especially when your significant other always tries to control you and ignores your emotional and psychological needs.
If you are partner is the reason why you always feel emotionally drained, the relationship will soon lose its charm. It will suck the life out of you, and you will not feel physically attracted to your partner.
When he fails to give you the emotional support when you need it the most, your desire to be physically intimate with him will significantly reduce.
4. You Are Always Fighting
It feels like you are always on a block of thin ice with him. Almost any conversation is likely you convert into an argument or a big disagreement. You think thrice before saying anything in front of him, fearing that he is going to make an issue out of it.
If you are in an emotionally draining relationship, you will easily relate to these scenarios. No relationship is perfect; almost all couples have occasional fights and disagreements. However, in an exhausting relationship, there will be fights and arguments every day.
5. You Feel Neglected and Ignored
You always feel that your partner is ignorant of you and overlooks your needs.
He will give zero consideration to your needs and will expect you to give your complete focus to his needs and desires.
How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship
If you strongly believe that your partner genuinely loves and care for you, if you have strong hopes that this relationship can be healthy and meaningful in the long run, then below are a few useful tips for you on how to fix an emotionally exhausting relationship.
Get to the core of the Issue
Take a step back and try to look at things from a broader perspective. Focus on finding out the true reason why things went bad in your relationship.
You can’t solve a problem before you figure out what you have to work with. For example, it’s important for you to make sure that your own attitude and actions aren’t part of the problem.
When the relationship is not going the way you want it to be, it is often because you are not in the right frame of mind.
Focus more on self-care, figure out your main concerns, find out what it is that you want from this relationship and your partner. Fund out what emotions are making you emotionally exhausted?
Communicate Your Needs to Your Partner
If you expect your partner to take care of your needs, it is important that you first convey what you need from him.
Make Healthy Compromises
Focusing only on your individual interests and needs can destroy even the most perfect relationships. It will lead to a lot of unresolved conflicts between you two.
Give your relationship goals more priority. Make healthy compromises to make the relationship healthy and fulfilling for both of you.
Try to De-escalate Conflicts Whenever Possible
De-escalating big arguments and conflicts will help both of you save a lot of energy and time. Fighting over every small Issue will make you resentful toward each other.
Admit Your Mistakes
When you own up to your actions, your partner will find it hard to stay angry with you. When both of you are saying hurtful things to each other, it is natural to feel unwilling about admitting your mistake.
Let your partner know that you realize your mistake and are sympathetic about how he feels. This way, not only will you be able to end the argument more quickly, but you’ll also feel a lot less drained afterward.
Take Out Sometime for Yourself
When you take some time off, it helps you to reflect on your relationship in a better way. It allows you to see things from a broader perspective.
When you’re trying to make your partner’s life better and improve the relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of whether this relationship is healthy for you or not.
Taking a step back to reflect on things will make it easier for you to figure out if you are happy with your partner and the current circumstances.
