If your partner is emotionally immature, your relationship with him can be very tiring. Emotionally immature people are always arguing, no matter what the topic. They are always defensive & never compromise on anything.
Their childish behavior becomes a big cause of frustration and irritation in your life.
Emotionally immature people have a poor understanding of their own emotions. They find it hard to process and communicate feelings in a relationship. They struggle to understand their partner’s emotions and empathize with them.
When your significant other behave in unusual ways, often you may find it convenient to dismiss his behavior, thinking that they are just being quirky or annoying. But in reality, emotional immaturity can have a deep and long term negative impact on your relationship.
An emotionally immature partner will always want his concerns to rank higher than yours. Their focus will always be on ‘me’ rather than ‘we’ in the relationship.
They will always put their selfish motives first and often ignore your needs.
It is frustrating to see them always blaming you for things you have not done. You will see them always trying to blow even very small issues out of proportion.
Their behavior patterns make it impossible for you to have healthy and polite communication with them.
You genuinely love and care about him, and because of this, you want to use an understanding approach when dealing with his immaturity. Everyone matures at their own pace. If you think that his behavior will change over time, there is nothing wrong in giving him more chances.
If you want this relationship to work, what you need to do is convince him to become more mature in the ways that matter. The best way to do that is by appreciating him every time he displays some maturity.
You can also convince him to undertake professional help from a good therapist. This will help both of you in developing better emotional intimacy.
On the other hand, if you don’t see any future with him, you can decide to end the relationship right away.
Signs that you have an Emotionally Immature Partner
1. They Run Away From Serious Conversations
If your partner is emotionally immature, they will always try to avoid any tough conversations you’re having. Having serious discussions with them can be difficult because they find it overwhelming to deal with difficult topics that affect both of your futures.
You will always see them skimming the surface when faced with these situations. They find it extremely hard to reveal their emotions and will try to run away when you engage them in deeper conversations.
It can be difficult to talk about serious things with them sometimes. For example, when you want to open up about a problem, they might try to change the subject by telling a joke or teasing you. They might also try to find excuses like ‘I’ve got something I need to do’.
2. They Never Open Up About Their Feelings
An emotionally immature partner will find it very hard to convey his feelings to you. The emotional experience of a romantic relationship becomes very hard for them to process. They don’t want to be vulnerable around you, so they either withdraw from you or shut down when you try.
You’ll see them often claiming that they don’t get bothered easily. But in reality, they are always struggling to process emotions and feelings going inside them.
Their emotional immaturity will often make you feel that the whole burden of the relationship is on your shoulders.
3. You Feel Lonely in the Relationship
If you share poor emotional chemistry with your partner, it can make you feel lonely in the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, a couple should be able to have meaningful conversations and establish deep connections with each other.
By getting into a relationship with him, you expected him to give you love, acceptance, support and respect. But it’s a big red flag for the relationship when he fails to establish a deep and meaningful connection with you.
4. He Always Puts Himself First
This one tops the list. If your partner is emotionally immature, he will always give his needs more priority than yours.
You find him putting himself first on the most inappropriate occasion. Their immaturity makes them think that the world revolves around them.
5. They Are Afraid of Commitment
An emotionally immature person will find it difficult to start talking about the future of the relationship. They need to be free, even if that means not committing or being serious with you.
Whenever you bring up topics about meeting parents, scheduling a vacation together or having family, they will try their best to change the topic.
6. They Don’t Compromise
When you are in a relationship, both you and your partner will have to make some compromises eventually. But if you are with someone who is emotionally immature, they will never be able to meet you in the middle ground. They will expect you to make all the big compromises in the relationship.
They will convince you to make the compromises by putting false blames on you or even lying and guilting you.
Relationships are a two-way street, and usually, healthy ones rely on both parties being able to communicate their needs. If he is not willing to meet with you halfway in order to resolve any deep conflicts, it will become difficult for the relationship to last very long.
7. They Never Accept Their Mistakes
Whenever they mess up, instead of admitting their mistakes, they will put all the blame on you or the circumstances.
It is difficult to deal with a partner who is incapable of admitting that they are wrong. They will never do anything to make amends and will continue to blame the other person for their mistakes.
How to Deal with Emotional Immaturity in a Relationship?
If your partner is Emotionally Immature, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to end the relationship. If he is willing to improve his behavior, there is every chance of your relationship working out in the future.
Below you will find some important tips on how to deal with an emotionally immature partner-
Convey your concerns to him and patiently hear about what he has to say.
Let them know how their behavior is negatively affecting the relationship. Propose simple and effective solutions.
Bring up your concerns in a way that encourages your partner to bring a positive change in himself. Blaming or putting accusations on him will make him feel frustrated and can weaken the bond between you two.
“From what I remember, when you asked me to move in with you, the plan was that we would get married within a few months. It’s been over a year since we made this decision and you still haven’t talked about our wedding. Can you help me figure it out? Please open up with me; maybe I can help.”
“Daily household work is making me feel exhausted. Can you please take ou some time and help me do laundry or dishes. It will be a great help.”
Talk About Relationship Boundaries
It is important for your partner to understand that when he behaves immaturely, it impacts your relationship with him in a bad way.
You shouldn’t be carrying his burdens for him all the time. Feeding into his bad habits isn’t going to help your relationship. It’s important that you sit down with him and establish some healthy boundaries in the relationship. Then, you need to tell him what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable behavior.
To effectively set boundaries in a relationship, it is very important to be self-aware. You must have a complete idea about what is your comfort level. You must be completely aware of situations that make you feel frustrated, hurt and angry.
The next step is to effectively communicate your concerns to your partner. Tell him what you can tolerate and what you won’t be able to tolerate.
Once you have set the boundaries, it is very important to follow through on them without any exceptions.
Visit a Therapist/Take Professional Help
Opening up about your fears and insecurities will help him become more aware of the negative effects of his behavior on the relationship.
A balanced person will have a better grip on their feelings and their reactions. Basically, it’s up to your partner whether or not they’re willing to change themselves.
Suppose you have been in this relationship for a long time and you strongly believe that your partner will not be able to change his behavior in future. In that case, there is no point in continuing this relationship with him.
You should be with a person who values you and gives you the love and respect you deserve.