If you’ve done something you really regret, the only way to make things normal with your boyfriend again is to apologize. A lot of people find it really hard to ask for forgiveness. When you seek forgiveness from your partner, it provides both of you with an opportunity to learn from mistakes and strengthen the relationship.
Maybe you cheated with him or messed up big time, but irrespective of what happened, getting your romantic partner to forgive you can sometimes be a lot of hard work. But, it’s not impossible.
1. Try to look at the situation from a broader perspective to better understand what you really want
What do you really miss – your boyfriend or ‘just being in a relationship’. Working hard to make your boyfriend forgive you doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get the kind of relationship you want with him. When you are in a situation like this, it is essential that you take a step back and try to look at things from a broader perspective.
You can try as many things as you like to get your boyfriend back, but if he doesn’t love you anymore, if there is no compatibility left in the relationship, then all your efforts will go in vain.
But, if you strongly believe in the future of this relationship, then there is no harm in investing your time and energy to get things back on track.
2. Admit your mistake
Before apologizing, you must first admit your mistakes to yourself. It is normal to feel defensive and come up with excuses and explanations to make yourself feel better. But before seeking forgiveness from your partner, it is important that you first admit to yourself that you messed up.
Many people wrongly believe that apologizing to your partner is a sign of weakness. We fail to see that, in fact, this is the first step towards making things right again with your partner. View your apology as something that will help you open the closed doors in your relationship.
Make sure your apology comes across as an honest apology. When people apologize to their partners, they often come across as a bit sloppy.
If your boyfriend thinks you’re not being honest and real, he is less likely to forgive you for your mistakes.
4. Don’t Expect him to forgive you right away
When apologizing to your partner, it is natural to expect them to forgive you right away. You believe that as soon as you say sorry, they’ll jump back into your arms, and everything will be normal again. But, in reality, this rarely happens.
How soon he forgives you will depend on how badly you messed up with him. Maybe he is very disappointed and sad with your behavior and is not ready to make things normal as of now.
Trying to convince your partner to forgive you is an emotionally draining experience. It’s up to you at what length you’re ready to go to make things normal again. Even if he forgives you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that things will be normal between the two of you instantly.
Every one of us have our own ways of dealing with disagreements and fights in a relationship – some of us are ready to make things normal within hours, while others might take weeks or even months.
In situations like these, you must give space to your partner and let them heal at their own pace. If you want him to forgive you, it is important that they properly work through their anger and hurt.
5. Give Space
Knowing that your actions have put your relationship in a very bad place can make you feel guilty and sad. Seeing your ex upset and mad at you makes you constantly wonder what you can do to fix things asap. You want to find out a solution that instantly fixes everything. When you are seeking forgiveness, you must remember that sometimes it can take a very long time for your boyfriend to feel better around you again.
The best thing for you to do in situations like this is to let him process his feelings and give him space to do it.
6. Control your temptation to be defensive
You need to understand that maybe he is still very emotional about what happened. You have to control your urge to give excuses or defend your behavior. He doesn’t need your explanations; what he needs from you is an honest apology. He wants you to accept and understand that what you did was wrong. If you want him to be forgiving, you should start by apologizing and making him feel heard.
Encourage them to open up with you and make them feel that you understand what they are going through. When you keep on giving explanations about your behavior, it only makes things worse.
Your only goal here is to make him forgive you so you can continue having a meaningful and happy relationship with him. Getting defensive and giving lame explanations will only move your further away from your goal.
It’s natural to act defensive when someone is attacking you, but you must stay in control. When you become defensive, you risk saying things that can make him even madder at you.
7. Try to keep things less intense
Maybe, right now, things are really bad between the two of you, but if you focus on reducing the intensity of the situation, it will make it easier for your boyfriend to forgive you. When trying to diffuse a situation like this, it is very important to discontinue the flow of negativity in your relationship.
The more you try to justify your actions, the more bad things are likely to get. Don’t do or say things that reinforce the negativity in your relationship. Try to break off the negative cycle. Use your words wisely, and focus on saying things that make your boyfriend realize that this relationship is equally important for him.
Try to bring in the topics which make him smile or laugh and say things that put him at ease. By doing this, you’re making him more comfortable to open up and discuss things with you. When the intensity is high, when there is a lot of negativity, he’ll feel uncomfortable opening up with you.
8. Be selective about what you say
Many men believe that it is not manly to feel hurt or be upset in a relationship. Rather than telling him that he seems hurt, upset, or sad, it will be better if you say ‘you seem distracted”. Being reckless about your words can make him defensive, which can further cause him to shut down.
9. Your body language should make him feel heard
When he starts to open up with you, you must come across as empathetic to whatever he is saying. When he is with you, he should feel heard. Your body language in a situation like this is more important than what you say. Make good eye contact and give him your full attention.
10. Take responsibility
You must accept your mistakes in front of him. This sends the message that you are sorry about what you did. It is easy to give excuses to justify your actions, but it takes a lot of courage to apologize for your mistake. Taking responsibility for your actions makes it difficult for your boyfriend to stay mad at you.
11. Acknowledge and accept his feelings
Let him know that you understand what he is going through. Tell him that you know how your actions made him feel. He should know that you’re listening, and you understand why he is mad at you. Tell him that his feelings are valid.