Q- My boyfriend left me for another woman he was having an affair with. I always thought that once the honeymoon phase is over, he’ll more likely do the same thing to her that he did to me. But, last moth I heard that my cheating boyfriend plans to have a baby with her girlfriend.
Although my boyfriend and I ended on a sour note, the thought of him having a kid with that woman was just too much. I’m not mad at him, but I always wanted to have kids with him.
He betrayed me, the relationship was over, and now seeing him happy with his girlfriend is making me feel depressed, and I think it has derailed my life. I must admit that this is affecting my confidence and self-esteem. What should I do?
You’re disappointed because your ex is still a significant part of your life. It’s like his new girlfriend is winning, and you’re losing.
It’s natural to feel a little sad seeing your cheating ex living happily with his girlfriend. When your partner leaves you for someone else, it can make you feel flawed and inadequate. You may develop a strong belief that something is seriously wrong with you and you’re not enough – not good-looking enough, not confident enough, not clever enough, or not worthy enough.
Most people don’t realize that if someone cheats on you, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You must know that when he starts having an affair with someone while in a relationship with you, it has more to do with his insecurities. Maybe he is using other women to get an ego boost. It indicates that he is not emotionally mature enough to boost himself on his own.
When trying to get your life back on track after a breakup, it can be helpful to avoid seeing his new relationship as a personal failure and instead see it as an opportunity for you to move on and find someone that can give you all the happiness you deserve.
If you want to move on, you must stop trying to control or change things.
Your brain is telling you that your life is off track, but the fact remains you haven’t lost any ground. You have to learn to feel proud about your life. It’s challenging to always feel happy. Everyone has their sad days, and everyone goes through phases when they feel lost, lonely, and unsettled.
In times like these, rather than feeling sad and depressed, you must look at your life from a broader perspective. Don’t try to find meaning behind your bad days.
Once you start feeling depressed, it will prevent you from knowing who you are. You’ll feel encouraged to define your life around things or people you hate and stuff you don’t like doing.
When your partner chose someone else over you, it was clear he was not your ideal mate. You broke up with him because he failed to give you the love, acceptance, and respect you deserve.
It hits you hard when your ex moves on and lives happily with his new partner. But, you should accept the situation for what it is, calm yourself down and focus on yourself.
Some people derive satisfaction and happiness from utter acts of evil. You’ll find numerous people who enjoy doing all sorts of evil and immoral stuff. Maybe your ex-boyfriend belongs to this category.
He betrayed you, took advantage of your trust, and now he is living a happy life with his new girlfriend. It can indicate that he gives more value to his pleasure than his morals.
Before you feel disheartened about how happy he is, ask yourself – would you like to spend your life with someone who has no respect for you, who takes advantage of your trust, and who has no problem basing his relationship on lies?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe after a few months, he’ll cheat on his new girlfriend for someone else. You should be happy that you’re not associated with someone who doesn’t understand the importance of loyalty. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship with a cheater.
Control your urge to contact him. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Unfriend/block him on social media. If you keep stalking him on social media, it can make it very difficult for you to move on.
Focus on your life, and try to become a better version of yourself. There is nothing wrong if you want to grieve the loss of your relationship, but with time you’ll have to move on. Take one step at a time; there will be days when you miss him and feel sad that you’re no more in a relationship with him. But, if you focus on healing yourself slowly, these feelings will subside.
Tips on how to deal with a situation when your cheating ex is happy, and you’re not
If he left you for someone and seeing him happy makes you feel sad, there are many things you can do to get your life back on track. It is completely normal to resent your ex after the breakup. He has betrayed you and broken your trust; you’ve every right to be mad at him.
But, when you stay angry and disappointed, it makes it difficult for you to move on with your life. You need to realize that no matter what, you’ll be okay, and you have adequate power and maturity to get through this. Below you’ll find a few helpful tips on dealing with your emotions after the breakup.
1. Acknowledge And Accept That Your Relationship with Him is Over
You have to accept that he betrayed you and is living happily with someone else now. Figure out how you can make yourself feel okay with this situation. Maybe there was no compatibility between the two of you. You must understand that you have your whole life ahead of you. Acknowledging and accepting the situation will help you get in the right frame of mind to start the next big chapter of your life.
Seeing your cheating ex happy with his new girlfriend can increase your hatred towards him, but you must remember that staying angry and disappointed for too long can be self-destructive.
You have to be strong-willed about moving forward without him. Manage your emotions and be honest with yourself. Giving yourself false hope can make it difficult for you to heal from the breakup. You don’t need him to make you realize how special you are.
Control your temptation to run back to him. Maybe it is very painful for you, but the sooner you accept the reality, the easier it is going to be for you.
2. Don’t Run From Your Feelings
As mentioned above, it is normal to go through strong painful emotions after the breakup. It’s okay to feel angry, disappointed, lonely, and confused when your romantic partner cheats on you. You must allow yourself to go through all these emotions. Stop fighting these feelings; these will fade away with time on their own. All you need to do is focus on healing and moving on.
3. Speak up
Maybe you find it a little tricky, but opening up with a close friend or family can help you feel better. Sharing your feelings with someone not only validates your feelings and emotions but also makes you feel less lonely. When you open up with someone, make sure you talk less about your ex but more about your feelings.
4. Stop Worrying About What Happened in The Past, and Focus On The Future
Forget what is happening in your ex’s life; focus on your own future. Feeling your emotions sometimes can be really helpful when you’re trying to move on from your relationship. But it’s important to slowly shift your focus and attention from your ex to your future.
When you stop worrying about your past, it will release pressure from your mind and will make you feel better. You’ll have less hatred for your ex and will feel encouraged to get your life back on track.
5. Indulge in Activities That Make You Feel Good
When you can’t stop to think about how your cheating ex is happy with his new girlfriend, try to indulge yourself in activities that give you happiness. Spend time doing things that lift your spirits and help you become a better version of yourself.
Maybe you can take up a hobby you have always thought about. Only when you take care of your physical and mental well-being will you be able to go through this challenging phase in your life.