Yelling is one of the most common problems in many relationships. Mostly all of us have yelled at people close to us. People yell at their significant other when they get frustrated. Constant yelling often leads to a conflict in the relationship, which can cause big problems in the future.
In this article, you will get some effective tips on how to stop yelling during arguments with your significant others.
We often come across couples who have a habit of yelling at each other more often than seems normal. It has the potential to cause damages to a relationship that are beyond repair. People with a history of being yelled at know what we’re talking about.
Yelling or screaming at someone, especially your partner, is not a good idea because it won’t fix anything. All it will do is make the situation worse. Even if you’re mad at them, you’ll likely regret what you said or did.
How to stop yelling in a relationship?
1. Resolve misunderstandings
People usually yell when they are frustrated. Maybe you are in an abusive relationship—a relationship where every big or small conversation turns into big fights. Maybe there are deep unresolved issues between you two that have created a lot of trouble in the relationship. In such types of relationships, communication is usually poor; there will be a lot of crying, name-calling, and screaming.
Relationships are never perfect. When you get together, you’ll disagree at times, and there’s no crime in that. It’s normal not to always agree on everything in relationships.
The important thing is to have healthy communication so that both of you can understand each other better and strengthen the bond of your relationship.
When working to resolve any conflict in a relationship, it is important to identify the core issues and make compromises where possible.
It can be hard to agree with your partner on everything. If both of you are struggling to resolve any issue, it’s best to leave it behind and start fresh. Sometimes it’s OK to end a conversation without resolving anything.
Try your best to clearly tell your partner what is most important to you and what they can do in order to make things better. This will allow the two of you an opportunity to grow together.
2. Treat Your Partner as Equal
The ideal relationship is one where both partners treat each other with equality. It is more important to be mindful of equality when there is a power difference in the relationship. This power difference could come from various factors- finances, age, gender, race, or from other aspects of an individual’s identity.
It’s important to respect each other’s limits in a relationship. It is not right to pressure your partner when you don’t understand or don’t like their boundaries.
To have a healthy, equal relationship, you have to put the other person’s views on an equal footing. This means respecting what they have to say and taking their opinions seriously.
Neither of you should try to coerce the other into doing something you don’t want to do.
3. Express Your Anger in a Constructive Way
Sometimes it can be tough to control your temper when you’re in a disagreement with your partner. But how do you raise things up calmly without hurting their feelings or losing them?
Maybe your anger towards your partner is completely justified, But you must try not to let anger be the main focus of your relationship. It can end up making things much worse for everyone involved.
Many people feel disempowered after yelling at their loved ones. When your partner is angry at you for something, you will try to defend yourself. When you start defending yourself, there is a high possibility of things escalating into a big fight that you never wanted.
Expressing anger isn’t always about blaming or accusing your partner. It’s more about you and your feelings than it is about them.
Put simply, expressing anger means getting the rage out of your system. The situation is similar to just intimating your partner that you are feeling angry, sad, or happy.
Anger can rapidly escalate from an everyday situation to a serious quarrel. To avoid yelling and to express your anger in a constructive way,
– you must first try to identify that what you are feeling is really anger. Sometimes we confuse our need to be heard with anger.
– Clearly convey to your partner what you need from him right now. Do you want him to listen to you when you vent? Are you seeking empathy from him? Do you want him to give you more space?
Sometimes, it may be difficult for him to understand exactly what you want & need. ; it will help if you can convey what you want from him in clear words. By doing this, you allow him to help you in a way that brings you back to the positive space.
– When things get too heated, try to get a short break; it will help you reduce stress and allow you to better manage the situation. It’s OK if you don’t want to go to another room, you can also try closing your eyes while holding the partner’s hand. Doing this will send a positive message to your partner that although you are in the midst of a conflict, you are still very much present in the relationship.
– rather than yelling at your partner, try to find productive things to release your anger. Walking, running, meditation, and listening to music are some of the great ways to help yourself deal with heavy stress and frustrations which usually come from anger.
4. Stay Focused on The Current Problem
When you and your partner are in the midst of a heated conversation, you must try to focus on the problem at hand. Sometimes even if you try to stick to the current topic, your partner might try to deviate. To have better control over the conversation, you can try asking your partner to – please discuss one thing at a time. Tell him that you will be more than happy to discuss the other issues that he brought up tomorrow or the day after.
When we yell, we sometimes lose focus on the issue at hand. One way to help remedy this is by planning out what you want to say ahead of time.
Plan what you are going to say and speak accordingly. Do not deviate from the topic. It will help you to focus on finding a solution to the current problem by conveying your concerns in the right mood and right tone without yelling.
5. Apologize When You Are Wrong
If you have realized that your yelling was uncalled for and unjustified, you must apologize to your significant other right away.
Let him know that you are struggling to control your emotions and your temper. Explain to him that you didn’t mean to come across this way.
It is important to understand that if you keep on yelling and apologizing, apart from damaging your relationship, it is going to have a traumatic effect on your mental health.
6. It’s Not Important to be Right All The Time
Finding an effective solution to the problem is more important than proving yourself right. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong in the long run. What matters is getting a positive solution that helps keep the relationship healthy and meaningful for both of you.
When you start embracing your partner’s point of view, it will help you find the best and most creative solutions to the long-standing or even smaller conflicts in your relationship.
7. Avoid Using Inappropriate Words
Using bad words can make people louder and angrier. It can be really easy to get carried away while yelling. When you avoid using bad words, it helps you have better control over the situation.
Yelling is common for people with louder voices. Lowering your tone can sometimes help you have better control over your yelling.
Why Do People Yell at Their Romantic Partners?
There are numerous reasons why people yell at their partner; below are some of the common reasons –
– your partner is frustrated and is having a hard time controlling their frustration and emotions. Maybe they are finding it hard to convey their feelings to you.
– maybe they think you haven’t been listening to them. It’s possible they feel that you always disregard their feelings. When they raise their voice, it’s because they want your attention on their concerns.
– they are going through tough times and feeling alone and helpless; they are yelling because they want comfort and support from you.
– The stress of work & their relationship is taking a toll on them. They feel frustrated and maybe toughing you out because they need to get rid of the frustration.
– They are over defensive. When confronted by their partner, they often lash out in anger or start yelling.