How to Deal With an Unsupportive Partner

When you get into a relationship, you always hope that it will be healthy and will add more meaning to your life. But, whether you like it or not, there will be some tough times and some inevitable changes in your life. When you are with your partner, you believe that they will help guide you through these times.

The only thing permanent in life is change. It’s not just that relationships change over time; both people in them do. 

Sometimes we make decisions in life that change everything. Maybe you decide to leave your job and start your own business, or maybe you decide to go back to school and get a degree in something different. These big changes can be scary and even more so when your partner is completely unsupportive of these new changes in your life.

It is one of the most painful experiences not having your partner by your side when you need him the most. 

Doing something new and unknown is already very stressful, but when your partner is unsupportive, it starts affecting your relationship in a negative way.

It doesn’t matter if your dreams feel impossible and realistic; if you put in the hard work and get the right support and encouragement from your partner, you can easily turn your wildest dreams into reality.

Your partner should be your number one cheerleader, and they should always encourage you to become a better version of yourself.

Below are some tips on how to cope with an unsupportive partner –

1. Convey Your Feelings to Your Partner

Maybe your partner has no idea how his lack of support is affecting you. You need to communicate to him how his behavior has been giving you stress and discomfort. 

Rather than blaming your partner for being unsupportive and jumping to any wrong conclusions, it will always be in your best interest, to be frank with your partner about your feelings.

Focus on why you think he is unsupportive, find out what exact words or behavior made you feel unsupported. For instance – many women feel unsupported by their partner because they would only acknowledge the things she was doing wrong. He wasn’t supportive of her hobbies or interests.

You can start by saying, ” I know you will never want to hurt my feelings, but..” or ” I know your intentions are always right, but..”

When you first bring up your concerns, it’s important to be kind, understanding and considerate. This will make it more likely for your partner not to get defensive & will help him understand your concerns in a better way.

All of us are different in our own ways; what’s acceptable to us may be completely unacceptable to others. 

Before jumping to any conclusion, you must always consider your partner’s values, worldview, and mentality.

2. Ask Yourself If He Has Always Been Like This

If you have been together with your partner for a really long time and you think that it is the first instance that he has been unsupportive of you, try to take a step back and look at the situation from an unbiased point of view.

They may have some big problems with your plans but are not very comfortable being upfront about it.

If your partner has always been there for you, then it’s not their personality to be unsupportive; maybe it’s just this one situation that isn’t them.

Everyone has their own opinion, and there is nothing wrong if you and your partner have a difference of opinion.

3. Admit Your Mistakes

When relationships hit a rough patch, most of the time, it is because of the mistakes made by both partners.

Before starting to blame your partner, it will help if you can admit both big and small mistakes that you made too.

Tell them – ” I know I am not perfect; sometimes I can be rude and self-centered. Whenever you feel hurt by my behavior, please tell me about it, and I promise I will work on it.”

Being upfront with your partner like this and admitting your mistakes will help improve the trust and intimacy in your relationship.

When you focus on improving yourself and your flaws, your partner will be more inclined to do the same.

4. Everyone Has Their Own Way of Showing Support

Before judging your partner or accusing him of anything, you must consider that maybe he has his own ways of showing support and love.

We all have our own ways of expressing love. When you both have completely different love languages, there will likely be a lot of differences in how you express your support and encouragement.

Try to focus and analyze how he has expressed his love and care for you in the past. Does he like to express it through actions or through words?

5. He Should Know What Type of Support You Need From Him

Maybe your husband is not aware of the type of support you need right now. Your partner will not always be able to read your mind. Many women have this deep-seated need to withhold how they feel from their partner and then end up expecting them to instinctively know without being told.

If you genuinely want your partner to support you, sometimes it becomes important for you to clearly tell him what you need.

Tell him if you are seeking his help in something new that you have taken up. Let him know what his support means to you.

When you are specific and very clear about what you need from him, it becomes easy for him to give you the support that you desire.

6. Carefully Listen to What He Has to Say

There is a good probability that this situation is not as bad as you think it is. In situations like these, looking at things from your partner’s perspective might help you get more clarity about what is happening.

Before accusing him of being unsupportive, you should carefully listen to what he has to say.

If they have your best interest in mind, then putting too much blame on them for being unsupportive of your decision will not be a great idea.

7. Be Optimistic

Some people see life as a roller coaster while others see it as a box of chocolates. Sometimes life is wonderful, while there are other times when we struggle to find some hope.

When things are not going the way you want them to, it becomes important to stay optimistic, have hope and keep moving forward.

Maybe it is challenging, but if you stay positive, you will find ways to keep things on track.

When you are with an unsupportive partner, there will be a lot of negativity.

Suppose you are passionate about pursuing arts or going to Med school, and you see your partner talking you out of it because it is not in sync with his life goals. In that case, you must take a step back and look at things from a better perspective.

You need to consider that these decisions will have a big and lasting impact on your life.

If both of you are serious about this relationship, you can tell him that it is not possible for you to change your decisions, but at the same time, you are more than willing to make other compromises to keep this relationship going.

8. Are You Expecting Too much From Your Partner?

It is completely natural to seek support from your partner. But you also need to check that what you want from your partner is not too much.

Do you find yourself constantly questioning your partner about their thoughts on a new idea you have, but they don’t seem to be as excited as you are? This is a projection. When you are not sure about a decision, you unconsciously project your feelings onto your partner and make them feel pressured.

Instead of realizing that you yourself are unsure about things, you start blaming your partner for being unsupportive.

It is important to understand that you are responsible for your own happiness, not your partner.

The control to decide what you want to do in your life is in your hands, not your partner.

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