It is inappropriate and unacceptable to talk negatively about your partner behind their back. If you have caught your boyfriend bad-mouthing you in front of his parents, it is natural for you to feel hurt, violated and disappointed.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you expect them to have your back and give you the respect and acceptance you deserve. But when you catch him speaking badly about you to his family, it breaks your trust. He cannot justify his behaviour even if he firmly believes in what he said.
Relationships succeed only when a couple works as a team; saying things behind your back is nothing less than a betrayal. If he truly loves you and genuinely cares about you, he will never even think about bad-mouthing you in front of his family or friends.
The key to a healthy relationship is understanding and maturity. When your boyfriend lacks emotional immaturity, he may find it difficult to control his temptation to vent about you to his family. Sometimes it is acceptable to vent a little about your partner, but overly criticizing and taking things out of proportion is entirely unacceptable.
If you are stuck in a situation like this, you need to be patient and try to look at things from a broader perspective. Jumping to a conclusion too soon can do irreversible damage to your relationship.
Below are some tips on how to deal with the bad-mouthing partner
1. Confront Him
You share an extraordinary bond with your boyfriend – no one loves you as much as he does, and no one hurts you as much as he does. If you feel hurt by your boyfriend’s actions, you must confront him about it. Bringing up issues in a relationship does not necessarily mean you have to fight with your boyfriend.
When your partner triggers your emotion, it becomes challenging for you to stay calm and level-headed. But being in control and conveying your concerns in a calm and balanced manner helps you find a better solution to your relationship problems.
Let him know how bad you feel when he says things behind your back. Make him understand how important it is to be respectful and supportive of each other in a relationship.
2. Avoid Judging Him
When you start judging your partner, it makes it difficult for you to understand his point of view. Maybe he is going through a bad phase. Rather than shouting at or blaming him for his actions, it will help if you consider first speaking to him about the problem.
Sometimes conveying your concerns to him and understanding the reasons behind his actions can help you solve even the biggest problems in your relationship.
Maybe you have done something wrong that makes him feel compelled to speak bad about you to his family. Admitting your wrongs, making him feel heard and calmly discussing the issues will make it more likely for him to realize that he’s betraying your trust by saying things behind your back.
3. Look Within
Many times when things are not going the way they should in your relationship, it has more to do with you than your boyfriend. It is easy for you to blame your boyfriend for all the mess in your relationship. Still, to get a logical solution to your relationship problem, you need to look within.
Does your boyfriend feel heard in this relationship? –Are you giving him the Love and respect that he deserves? – Are you putting in the same amount of effort in the relationship as he is? – Do you consider him an equal in this relationship?
If you’ve been giving him a hard time and being rude to him when he’s trying to say how he feels, it can lead him to not want to talk about it with you. Instead, he’ll confide in his family to vent it out of his system.
Irrespective of what his reasons are, it is wrong on his part to speak bad things behind your back. If you think that you have been unfair to him, bringing a change in your behaviour can make him feel more connected to you.
4. Don’t Let It Affect You
When you are dealing with a difficult partner, sometimes not responding helps you quickly get over difficult situations. When they cross the line and say hurtful things to you, it can be difficult for you to not respond. But when you confront him every time he does something hurtful, it affects your mental peace.
Ignoring him and doing nothing will save you from the emotional stress and drama that comes with confronting your boyfriend.
Sometimes no response is also a response. It can have various meanings depending on the circumstances. Your silence sometimes can help you in conveying your message more effectively.
5. Focus On Improving Your Connection With Him
No relationship is perfect; every couple goes through ups and down. No matter how perfect your relationship is with your partner, there will be challenges.
Having a happy and satisfying relationship with your partner requires much work. This is mainly in case the connection between the two of you is getting damaged day by day. Rather than focusing on the problem, you should be focused on improving your connection with your partner.
Lack of physical and emotional intimacy makes it difficult for you to have a meaningful relationship with your partner. You start to grow apart when you share poor intimacy with your partner. There will be a lot of fights and disagreements, which in the long run will make you resent each other. This is when you can expect your boyfriend to cross limits and say unkind things behind your back.
6. Help Him Realize Where He is Going Wrong
Maybe he has no idea how his behaviour is making you feel. There is a chance that he needs your guidance to understand the limits. Effective communication is key to healthy relationships.
If you think he genuinely loves and cares for you, it is important for you to establish effective and healthy relationship boundaries. The absence of healthy boundaries sometimes makes it difficult for you to have a satisfying relationship with your partner.
We all have different life experiences, beliefs, values and backgrounds. Maybe it is normal for his family to talk behind each other’s back. And this may be the reason why he fails to realize how bad it makes you feel.
When Your Boyfriend Says Bad Things About You To His Family, They May Start Hating You
When he constantly bad-mouths you to his family, it can lead to them hating you. Feeling rejected by your boyfriend’s family can have a terrifying effect on your mental health. It affects your self-confidence, and you start feeling dejected about yourself.
This emotionally draining experience makes you feel insecure about your relationship with your boyfriend.
Relationships can sometimes bring out the worst in us; it makes us do or say things we don’t mean. You must understand that venting is a way of expressing human emotions. There is nothing wrong with little harmless venting in a relationship.
Jumping to a conclusion too soon can do irreparable damage to your relationship. Think about what he said – did he cross the line? Was he extremely cruel to you? If not, it will be best for you to ignore the issue and move on.
On the other hand, if what he said was cruel, hurtful and unacceptable, then you must take a stand for yourself and let him know what is acceptable to you and what is not. Establish clear boundaries, and if you find him not respecting them, it will be in your best interest to move on from this relationship.
You should be with someone who gives you love, acceptance and respect you deserve. You decided to get into a relationship with him because you believed he would be supportive and help you become a better version of yourself. But when he disrespects you and stops caring about your happiness, it will be impossible for you to have a long-term relationship with him.