Why my narcissist ex-boyfriend wants me back?

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how challenging it is to end things with them. They blame you and make you feel miserable for things you never did. They will not hesitate to say mean, unkind things to prove that they were right and that you are responsible for all the problems in the relationship.

Being with a narcissist is an emotionally draining experience; they manipulate you to get things done their way. Once you have ended things with them, they can use numerous tricks to get you back in their life.

Irrespective of who ended the relationship, it is not unusual for narcissists to try to lure you back into their life by using twisted tricks.

Why does he want you back in your life?

Maybe it’s not because they still love you. When a narcissist tries to get back into your life, it could be because they are missing the attention they got from you.

They think it will be convenient for them to have you back in their life so they can continue getting affection, money, respect, and sex they used to get earlier. They see you as a resource that offers them a continuous supply of lifely pleasures.

Sometimes they don’t even want you back, but they play tricks with you to get a reaction and know if they still have control over your life.

Below are a few of the common tricks used by narcissist to get you back in their life –

1. Seeking Help

They try to make you believe that they badly need you by their side because they are going through severe physical or emotional pain. You’ll see them trying to convince you that you are the only person who can help them get out of this phase.

Whatever the problem is, they will try to blow it out of proportion to get your attention. For example – I think I have a panic attack, you’re the only person who can make it better – I had a big fight with my father; I don’t know why but I think you are the only person I can speak to regarding this. 

2. They Will Act As If They Are Still In A Relationship With You.

This is one of the most common tricks narcissists use to win back their ex. They behave as if nothing happened and the two of you are still together.

Even if he was the one who ended things with you, he would act as if it is you who is taking things out of proportion. They might come up with something like – “all I said was that I need some space; I think you misunderstood me.”

On the other hand, if you dumped him, he will just ignore your decision and continue to text and call you as if nothing has happened. You’ll feel like your voice is falling on deaf ears.

He will come up with arguments like ‘you are just going through a bad phase’ and ‘things will get better soon’. Doesn’t matter how many times you tell them, they will refuse to accept that you are breaking up with him.

3. Crying

He will make an extraordinary effort to convey that he has been crying since you broke up with him. He will act as if their life has come to a standstill without you. 

4. Repeated Apologies

Usually, narcissists never apologize to their partners. It is very rare to come across a narcissist who accepts his mistakes. But when they are trying to lure you back into their life, they find it really convenient to accept their mistake and apologize. You’ll see them making false promises to bring a change in themselves.

5. They Can’t Stop Worrying About You

They try to come across as very worried about your well-being. They want you to believe they are more worried about you than they are about themselves.

Don’t be surprised when they tell stories like – “I had a very bad feeling that something bad has happened to you, I don’t know what to do but please allow me to be there with you.”

6. They Want To Be Friends With You

A narcissist will have a hard time believing that his relationship with you has ended. To lure you back into his life, he will try to be on good terms with you.

He will come up with some arrangement that keeps you in constant touch with him. Indulging with your ex again will make it difficult for you to move on from his toxicity.

To keep them away, you need to make it clear that you’re not interested in having any connection with them. This will cut off any existing ties with them and give you the space to work through your issues. Once you break up with a narcissist, you must focus on self-care.

Focusing on yourself helps you heal from the wounds of your past relationship.

For many of us, breaking up from a relationship is an emotionally draining experience. The process of moving on takes a toll on your mind. A million thoughts cross your mind every day.

When you see your narcissist ex trying to be friends with you, it can make it easier for you to fall into his trap again. By allowing him back into your life, you risk hurting you are healed wounds. 

Therefore, if you want to move on, you must cut all communication channels with him. You will have to set clear boundaries that you should never cross.

7. He’ll Make Promises That You Know He Won’t Keep

When he desperately wants you back in his life, he will not shy away from making promises he can never keep. Expect them to do a lot of dramatics and exaggerations to make you fall into his trap again. Sometimes they won’t even shy away from proposing to you for marriage.

When he promises that he is a changed man, he is basically relying on your insecurity and lack of self-esteem. He believes that your lack of confidence will make you fall in love with him again.

He knows that once you agree to get back into his life, it will not be that difficult for him to regain the access and control he used to have earlier. Narcissists are insecure people; once you agree to get back with him, it will give him the validation he badly needs.

If he is truly a changed person, rather than pressuring you to get back together with him right now, he will give you space and time to find the right decision for you.

Action speaks louder than words; if he has truly changed, it will be visible from his actions.

8. He Will Try To Spoil You With Gifts

To win you back, they will try to spoil you by giving expensive gifts. They want you to think that they genuinely care about your happiness. They think that these gifts will help them swipe you off your feet. Because it worked at the start of the relationship, they believe it will also work now.

But they don’t realize that earlier, you didn’t know that he was a narcissist. They are playing an emotional game with you, and you need to think twice before saying anything. When you were in a relationship with them, you went through hell; you need to get back control of your life into your own hands.

If you want to live a happy and meaningful life, you’ll need to figure out how you can avoid toxic people. And this includes not just family and friends, but also co-workers and acquaintances who believe that they’re better than everybody else.

9. They Will Make You Feel Guilty About Breaking Up

Rather than realizing their own mistakes, they will try to put them on you. They think by making you feel guilty about the breakup, they can convince you to restart the relationship. One of the prime traits of a narcissist is to make you feel that there is nothing wrong with him, and it is actually you who is flawed.

10. Blackmail

They will say things like- “you broke my trust, I never thought you could be so hurtful, I never expected you to break my heart like this. It is so difficult for me to believe that you actually abandoned me. Even if I was wrong you could have at least given me another chance.”

Their sole purpose behind saying all this is to emotionally blackmail you so that you feel pressured and compelled to accept him back in his life.

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