What To DO If My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Too Involved In Your Relationship?

When your boyfriend decides to bring you home to meet his parents, this is a significant step in your relationship. It means that things are progressing in the right direction.

You may want his mom to like you. But it can get frustrating when she gets too involved in your relationship.

If your boyfriend’s mother is constantly involved in your relationship, below are some helpful tips for you:

1. Try Looking At Things From Her Point Of View

Before jumping to any conclusion, it will help if you take a step back and try to look at things from her perspective. It is understandable for you to be upset when she interferes in your relationship.

But you must try to understand that she has her son’s best interest in mind. She wants to make sure that you are a perfect match for each other. 

A mother’s over-protectiveness towards her son can sometimes lead her to say or do hurtful things to others. When you take a step back and see things from a broader perspective, maybe it’ll help you understand her in a better way. Once you understand her, you’ll probably be less impacted by her behavior.

Let her know how much you love and care for his son. Make it known to her that you have his best interest in mind and will always be there for him. 

2. Give More Priority To Your Relationship

Rather than focusing on how her mom is treating you, pay more attention to your relationship with your boyfriend. Prioritizing your relationship will help you have a better connection with your SO.

When your boyfriend has your back, you will find it easier to deal with her mother. Make your boyfriend feel heard, and give him the love, acceptance and respect he deserves. Focus on having better physical and emotional intimacy with him.

Having a satisfying and meaningful relationship with your boyfriend stops challenging situations from becoming too challenging.

Experts believe that when your mother-in-law wants you to respect and value her, there is a high possibility of her positively influencing you and your children.

3. Pick Your Battles Wisely

Being too sensitive and responding to every unkind and unfair thing your boyfriend’s mother has to say can deeply impact your mental health.

Try to control your temptation to respond to her every time. It will be in your best interest to let go of small things. If you want your relationship to be more meaningful, you must deal with situations like these with more patience and maturity.

It is common to find women who have a habit of taking everything too personally. Maybe his mother’s remarks are not intended at you. Being over-sensitive with her can cause both of you to develop a lot of resentment against each other. 

It will help if you can establish some healthy boundaries in your mind. Identify what you can live with and what you will never tolerate. Figure out ways on how you can make things work out between you and her.

But if she tries to be too controlling and is constantly trying to damage your relationship with your boyfriend, then it is best for you to take a stand for yourself.

Rather than blaming her for things, simply tell your boyfriend how his mother’s behavior is affecting you and how it is making you have second thoughts about this relationship.

4. Try Looking At Things From A Broader Perspective

Maybe your boyfriend’s mother is getting too involved in your relationship because she’s insecure. Various studies have established that the reason behind the bad relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law is ‘fear‘.

Possibly she feels threatened by your relationship. It could be that she is worried your close relationship will affect her connection with her son. This may also be the reason why she wants to control his life.

5. Seek Help From Your Boyfriend

Ideally, your boyfriend should speak to his mother regarding her excessive involvement in your relationship. It is important to establish realistic boundaries in your relationship and make sure no one crosses these boundaries.

Try to figure out the core reason why her mother is trying to have so much control. Figure out how you and your boyfriend can make her feel more secure about things.

6. Have Realistic Expectations From His Mother

Almost every one of us has someone in our close circle who cause us a lot of pain and distress. It could be your alcoholic brother, a narcissistic partner, a rude co-worker or your partner’s mother who is trying to have too much influence on your relationship.

It is natural for you to want them to change themselves, but in most cases, it’s not worth the effort. They will remain the way they are no matter how hard you try.

If you are expecting your boyfriend’s mother to change the way she behaves with you and be less controlling, the bad news is she will most likely continue to behave the way she is behaving.

Your best bet will be to inspire her to bring a change in herself. And for that to happen, you’ll be required to make a lot of effort.

Rather than complaining about her, try to figure out how you can improve things. Maybe she has no idea that her actions are actually damaging his son’s relationship with you. 

I Love My Boyfriend, But It’s So Difficult to Get Along With His Mom

You strongly believe that she wants to ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. Things have become so difficult that you have no hesitation in saying – I hate my boyfriend’s mother. 

You have tried your best to like and accept her. You did everything possible to improve your connection with her. But all she wants is to have more control over your relationship. You do not know how to respond to this situation.

The way things are going, it makes you feel that your relationship does not have any future.

There is a chance that you are the reason why his mother wants to be so involved in this relationship. Maybe your boyfriend is saying bad things behind your back to her.

There is also a chance that he has been ignoring his mother since the day he got involved with you. Before jumping to conclusions, you need to find the core reasons behind her behavior. 

Maybe there is a simple fix to the situation. Have you tried talking to her directly? Have you considered opening up to her regarding how you feel? Have you made any efforts to improve your connection with her?

Take a step back and think if you are being oversensitive. Being more expressive about how much you love and care for his son can help reduce the friction between the two of you.

Sit with her privately to understand her concern. Encourage her to open up with you. Make her feel heard and understood. When she sees you sincerely attempting to have a better relationship with her, she will feel compelled to like and accept you.

Be more expressive with her; tell her how much you value her presence in your life. Let her know how important this relationship is for you.

If you strongly believe that you can have a lasting and satisfying relationship with him, then it will be in your good interest to make extra efforts for this relationship. 

Try to give her the respect and acceptance she needs. Figure out ways to build a strong relationship with her. Respect her values, beliefs and perspective. Handle conflicts with more maturity and patience. Rather than getting affected by what she says, try to handle things more maturely.

If, however, nothing works out, and you see your boyfriend taking sides with her mother, it will be best for you to move on from this relationship. You deserve to be with someone who gives you the love, acceptance and respect you deserve.

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