Q: My friend is too friendly with my boyfriend. She sends him endless messages, fights with him, and calls almost every day. When the three of us are together, they talk for hours, making me feel left out. Sometimes I feel they are more compatible with each other. I am really confused about what to do in this situation. I love him very much, and he genuinely cares for me. But when she gets way too friendly with him, it makes me really uncomfortable.
A- If your friend has strong feelings for your boyfriend, it can make things very awkward and hurtful for you. There is a big difference between having feelings for someone and acting on those feelings. It is very alarming for your relationship if you think your friend is acting on her feelings.
The best thing for you to do in a situation like this is to talk with both of them. Let your boyfriend know how his over-friendliness with her friend makes you uncomfortable. But before you talk to him, you need to think this through. It is a delicate situation, and you must approach it cautiously.
If he genuinely loves and cares for you, he must show his devotion and respect for you.
It is, in fact, very ignorant of him to be so close with your friend and not realize how this is making you feel. If you think he is not respecting the boundaries of your relationship, then it is time for you to speak up. In fact, rather than being upfront about it, you can start by giving some hints.
Once he knows you are uncomfortable with this, he will likely avoid being too friendly with her. But if he still doesn’t bring a change in his behavior, this is a big red flag for your relationship. You should be with someone who gives you the love, appreciation and respect you deserve.
You will also not like to speak out of line with your friend, but at the same time, you will also not want them to make a move on your boyfriend. The best solution for you is first to give her some clues. If she fails to get them, you must sit with her and have an honest conversation. Before taking action, you must ensure that you and your boyfriend are on the same page regarding this.
Below are some of the signs that your friend is attracted to your boyfriend
1. She is always looking forward to spending time with him
Life can be fun when your boyfriend gets along with your friends. But when things go out of hand, and they become way too friendly, it can cause many problems for your relationship.
Seeing your friend always trying to hang along with you could signify that she is attracted to your boyfriend. Even when you are out with friends, you will often see her trying to initiate a private conversation with your boyfriend.
2. She talks about your boyfriend a lot
If she has a thing for your boyfriend, you would notice how often she talks about him when you’re having a conversation with her.
Her behavior makes you feel that she is only interested in discussing your boyfriend. This indicates that he is in her mind all the time. If you see her doing this constantly, it means she wants to be more than friends with your boyfriend.
3. She is a changed person around your boyfriend
If you think that your friend tries to behave better around your boyfriend, it could be because she is attracted to him. Her behavior will make you feel that she is a completely changed person around your boyfriend. Maybe she’s doing it to leave a good impression on him. Or she may be trying to say she is a cool girl to hang out with.
If her behavior towards your other friend is entirely different, it is a strong indication that she is trying to impress him. If she has strong feelings for your boyfriend, she’ll also try to flirt with him.
4. She stalks him on social media
Knowing that your friend has been stalking your boyfriend on Instagram can put you in a very uncomfortable position. You stalk someone on social media only when you have a lot of interest in that person.
When she reacts to everything that your boyfriend posts on social media, it is natural for you to become a bit suspicious
If she is interested in him, she will never leave an opportunity to interact with your boyfriend on social media.
5. She looks at your boyfriend in a very special way
When someone is in love, you can quickly tell it by looking at their eyes. How she looks at him and how she is around him will make it obvious that she is interested in him. It will not be tough for you to make out that this is the look people give when they are attracted to someone.
6. Whenever you have a ‘girls only’ plan with her, she encourages you to invite him
You’ll notice that she has no interest in hanging out with you. All she wants is to be with him. Her actions often make you feel she no longer enjoys your company and is just using you to be with him. Whenever you make plans with her, she’ll be eager to know if your boyfriend will be coming along or not. If he is not joining you guys, she’ll get disappointed and may even come up with an excuse to cancel the plan.
If you can relate to this situation, you must address it before it’s too late.
How to talk to your friend about it?
In some situations, you must get blunt to get the information you want. When you are straightforward, it doesn’t leave any room for miscommunication and misinterpretation. This also helps you get the straightforward answer that you want.
You can start by saying – “some of the things you say and the way you are with my boyfriend often make me feel that you have a thing for him.” Maybe it will hurt her feelings, but it will bring much clarity to the situation.
If she is not backing off even after you gave her a hint, you have to be more direct with her. Your friendship with her ended the day she started flirting with your boyfriend. Being direct with her and asking her to stop hitting at your boyfriend will not likely cause further harm.
You can say – “the way you are with him makes me feel that you are flirting with him. Maybe you are trying to be funny or don’t realize it, but I want you to stop because it makes me very uncomfortable.”
How to talk to your boyfriend about it?
Be upfront with your boyfriend and ask him if he also feels she is trying to hit him. In a relationship, it is sometimes very easy to think that other girls are after your man. Discussing these things with him might give you a better perspective of the situation.
You can say – “the way she behaves, it sometimes makes me feel that she has feelings for you. Do you feel the same way?”
If her behavior makes you uncomfortable, it will not be bad to tell your man about it. This will bring you on the same page with him and help you find a solution to this problem.
Make sure that you are not taking out the frustration on your boyfriend. Doing this will push him away from you. It is a delicate situation, and you should think twice before doing anything about it.