Marriage is not always easy, but it’s worth the effort. Often people believe that it is completely unusual to hate your partner. But a recent study found that around 20-30% of people strongly disliked or hated their spouse.
You have a great, long-lasting relationship with your spouse. You are close in many ways, you get along well with them, and you are good at solving any disagreements. Still, sometimes you notice intense dislike and hatred for them.
When you get frustrated, you have probably said something like “I hate you” to your husband. But what if that’s your true feeling. What if there was a small or even big part of you that actually meant it?
My husband disgusts me: Having a strong dislike for someone you actually love can feel really confusing and terrifying. You start wondering if the relationship is going to end. You start wondering: Is there something wrong with me? Am I incapable of loving someone?
As stated above, it’s not that unusual to dislike your significant other. But it is essential to explore these feelings.
Essentially no relationship is perfect. You may sometimes feel annoyed by your partner’s behavior but what you need in a relationship is moments of true love balancing out the moments of occasional annoyance.
Below are some essential tips on what you can do when your husband disgusts you.
1. Control Your Hatred Before it Gets Too Extreme
Once you have narrowed down the reason why you have started disliking your husband, you must communicate these concerns to him.
If you see yourself getting angry or upset, you can talk about it straight away and prevent these emotions from building up. If you keep on thinking about it on your own, it will only make things worse.
One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to communicate when you are upset. But, if you can convey your feelings, you will realize that your partner will be able to act on your behalf and help you with your problem most of the time.
Suppose it is not something that can be solved right away. In that case, he probably will acknowledge that it bothers you and try to find a solution together.
2. Take a Break
If you feel angry, frustrated, or resentful of your husband, it’s best to take a break from the situation. It is natural to feel anger and hurt on a human level. But when we don’t first process these feelings internally, the anger and hurt will likely turn into disappointment on a relationship level.
It is always a good idea to take some time away from a serious conflict and give yourself some space.
Once you have cooled down, come back and see if it’s possible to talk about the issue calmly and reasonably.
It can be helpful to take a break and think carefully about what might be making you react that way.
Try some different strategies when you start to feel too much negativity towards your husband. This could include taking a walk outside, moving to another room, or even taking a break for meditation. If you can’t get physical distance, some deep breathing exercises will help you manage your emotions.
3. Understand That It Is Completely Normal To Get Annoyed With Your Husband Sometimes.
It is natural to argue and get irritated with your spouse every now and then. Still, you should avoid letting that irritation manifest.
Sometimes arguments between couples come from a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Intimacy can often make people feel vulnerable and insecure. However, most arguments happen during the day today’s tasks of family life. These problems are not serious enough to end a marriage.
4. Identify the Core Issues
It is often difficult to pinpoint the exact moment you started to dislike or even hate your husband. Often times it is the sum of a number of small experiences that gradually add up over time. If you think that your husband disgusts you, you must identify the core issues and work on them before they become unbearable.
It is not uncommon to start hating your husband after a few years of marriage. Sometimes, It just takes one disagreement or a fight to bring up the past and create tension.
Sometimes you are very clear about the reasons why your partner disgusts you. You may be frustrated because your husband never takes care of important things or keep his promises.
There will be other times when you go through periodic moments of not getting along with your husband, and it will be tough for you to figure out the reason why.
If you can’t figure out why you are starting to lose interest in your partner, just focus on all the times they annoy you. Reflect back on how they have been acting lately.
Ask yourself if it’s something he did recently that’s making you upset?
Did he do something stupid?
Was he unkind to you?
Was she ignoring you or treating you like his subordinate?
Does he make you feel unimportant and don’t care about your feelings?
Another thing that can cause women to resent their husbands is when they take some big action or do something big that they hate. You may start feeling that your husband is mistreating you if you find out that he made a big life decision without consulting your thoughts first.
For example – When he makes you move to another state for his job. It’s not a problem if it was both of your decisions, but when he makes you do it without consulting with your opinion, then you might start feeling that the thought of being near him disgusts you.
5. Spend Some Time Apart From Each Other
Whether your relationship is brand new or 10 years in, it is important to remember that you are an individual. You may be part of somebody’s life story, but your life story lives on too.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be with your partner every second of the day. Occasionally being apart from them can help you recharge and enjoy your own company.
In a marriage, some time apart from your husband can also help you deal with some minor annoyances that would otherwise build up and lead to more frustrations.
6. Come up with Solutions
When your marriage is going through a rough patch, it can be hard to see things from an optimistic point of view. It’s natural to be upset about the situation, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend your time complaining about it.
Sometimes instead of spending all your time complaining about how bad things are, it might be better to offer some solutions that you think might help fix the problem.
It’s easy to be frustrated by your partner and blame them for everything. Still, the truth is that most negative feelings are just valid frustrations that need to be discussed. Be open about what you are both expecting from each other. There can’t be an improvement if you don’t communicate your mutual feelings to one another.
7. Focus on Positives
It is important to appreciate the good things about your partner and not only focus on the negative.
The first step is to stop seeing your partner as perfect and instead try to see the positives in him. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about your husband, try to focus on his good qualities.
It is natural to have disagreements with your spouse, and you may not always agree with their decisions or opinions. But when you start seeing their positives instead of the negatives, it makes you feel better.
Sometimes a good reminder of all the nice things you love about your husband can help when everything he does is annoying you. But it can be difficult to appreciate those qualities if you have been in such an argumentative state for so long with him.
Identify what is making you hate your husband.
It is not uncommon for women to have a phase where they start disliking or hating their husbands. But the feeling should go away after a few weeks. If you find that these feelings are becoming more intense and it has been months, then there is likely an issue that needs to be addressed.
When was the last time you caught yourself looking at your husband, thinking he isn’t as attractive as you used to find him? When did it cross your mind that you should rather spend time with your friends than with him?
You may not hate everything about your husband, but there are undoubtedly a few things about him that you will hate. Identify yourself what it is you don’t like and work on it before anything else.