Lots of women complain about their husbands not standing up to their ex. This is one of the top reasons why many relationships fail.
When your husband’s ex is causing a lot of problems in your married life, you may often feel dismissed or sidelined. Often, you will be bad-mouthed and blamed for mistakes you never made.
When your spouse is not there to stand up for you and be the voice of reason, it may seem like everything is falling apart. They take the easy way out by siding with their ex at a time when all they are supposed to do is fix things.
Situations like this will have serious negative effects on your relationship. It will exhaust you emotionally and make you feel depressed.
When your partner communicates with his ex, it is natural for you to feel confused, suspicious, and hurt.
Below are a few common reasons why your husband won’t stand up to his ex.
1. It’s For The Kids
If they have a child together, your husband will need regular communication with his ex.
Even when your husband and his ex have a child together, there should be healthy boundaries that should never be crossed. They should always remember that their romantic relationship is now over.
Your partner’s ex-wife will always be in your life because of the kids. In these circumstances, it is your partner’s responsibility to make sure she stays as his ex-wife, nothing more. He should understand that it’s difficult for you to deal with this and be supportive.
When she is there for the kids, it will be a constant and big reminder for you that your partner was physically and emotionally involved with this woman earlier.
Healthy parenting requires constant communication between a mother and a father. Sometimes for the interest of children, it will be necessary for you to take a step back.
Your partner may himself be finding it hard to deal with a situation where he is almost stuck in the middle.
Seeing this relationship for what it is and not filing up yourself with insecurities will help you feel better. It will also help your partner to provide a healthy environment for kids.
2. He is Submissive By Nature
Early on in the relationship, it was nice when he always went along with what you said and did everything for you because it made you feel good.
But now, when he doesn’t stand up to his ex-wife it becomes a big concern for you. Some guys are just bad at saying no, but when they don’t stand up for themselves, it becomes a problem.
You should really speak to him about setting some boundaries with the relationship if you want it to work. To avoid any confusion, let him know what you’re okay with and not okay with. If you don’t set these boundaries, then this relationship might not last much longer.
3. He Doesn’t Want a Conflict
If your partner had a very toxic relationship with his ex and doesn’t stand up against her now, it could mean that he’s trying to avoid conflict. Maybe there were a lot of arguments and fights between them in the past. He is trying to keep you out of the mess by not confronting her.
It is normal if you think this as an excuse. You may think that your partner has lived with this woman for such a long time, and it is difficult to digest that he doesn’t know how to deal with her. His excuses sometimes make you feel that he is on her side. It will be frustrating for you to see him making excuses to avoid confronting her.
When he fails to create a balance, it weakens your bond with him.
4. He Still Has Feelings For His Ex
The man you love has a kid with his ex-wife, and that affects your relationship. Though it may not seem like it’s a big deal to many, in reality, this special bond between your husband and his ex will often create challenging situations for you.
It’s not uncommon for people to have feelings for their ex even after they’re in a serious relationship with someone new. You should keep an eye out for signs that let you know your husband still likes her, like if he talks about her or visits her social media pages daily.
If this is the case, the right thing for him was to deal with his feelings before he got into a relationship with you.
If your partner still finds his ex attractive, then you will most likely notice that his attention always goes back to her. This can lead to him bringing her into the things she shouldn’t be involved in.
5. His Parents Really Like His Ex
Maybe your partner’s ex had a strong relationship with his parents. Because you are just meeting them for the first time these days, you won’t have as much closeness with them. If this situation resonates with you, it’s natural for you to feel a bit disappointed.
This whole dynamic will strongly influence how your partner behaves with his ex. It will be very easy for his ex to convince him for anything she wants. He will find it really hard to take a stand against her.
6. She is in a Better Financial Position Than Him
When a woman makes more money than her man, many times, it creates a big imbalance in the relationship. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.
If she is richer than him, maybe she had more say in their relationship. And even after they have separated, your partner may be finding it hard to stand up to her.
Maybe he has just been conditioned to say yes to whatever his ex wants, but it’s your job to emphasize what you want. You have to set healthy boundaries in your relationship and let your man know what you will not tolerate.
7. She Has Not Moved On From Her Relationship With Him
Maybe your husband’s ex-girlfriend still likes him and wants to spend more time with him. It would be totally understandable for you to feel upset and be uncertain about the future. The thing is, you can’t assume that it’s just her problem because if she spends more time with your husband, something could happen.
It doesn’t mean that all women who are still attracted to their ex will try to make trouble in their current relationship.
Breakups are hard for most people to deal with. But once both parties have moved on, it becomes easier to understand that we’re at the end of a relationship. However, there are still some people who can’t control their feelings for their ex.
Women with this type of mindset find it difficult to accept that their ex has now moved on and is currently in a relationship with some other women. If your husband’s ex-wife falls into this category, you will often see her trying to manipulate your partner.
8. Maybe You Are Exaggerating Things
When you tell your partner to take a stand against his ex, it’s important to first make sure that there is indeed a problem. It may be possible that you’re just overreacting, or the ex has not committed any offense. Get to the core of the issue before making any hasty decisions . Maybe it’s your insecurity that is making you feel anxious and panicked.
How to Set Boundaries When Your Husband Fails to Stand Up to His Ex?.
It is not always practical or healthy to expect your partner to support you and make you feel heard by doing the things that you want them to do. Sometimes you need to take power back into your hand. It is important to set healthy boundaries and enforce them.
Not communicating your concerns to your partner and having lax boundaries is probably the reason why you ended up in a situation like this.
When you set boundaries, your partner will know what you will tolerate and what is completely unacceptable to you.
Suppose your partner is not willing to discuss setting boundaries in your relationship. In that case, it is time for you to rethink about your future with him.
Take a Stand For Yourself
Often, we fall into the trap of prioritizing our partner’s needs above our own. Many times we allow our partner to blame us for things that we shouldn’t be blamed for. We do this to maintain peace in the relationship.
Many of us find this a convenient solution to the short-term problems in our relationships. But we often forget that when we don’t stand up for ourselves, when we allow our partner to ignore our needs , we are bound to face bigger problems in the future. This is not how a happy and meaningful relationship should be.
Sacrificing your needs and desires can make you feel resentful in the future and will also disturb your inner peace.
When you don’t feel satisfied and happy in a relationship that you have with your partner, the connections you formed with him during the initial days of the relationship will be lost.
For a relationship to succeed, it is important for both of you to give love, acceptance, and respect to each other. You both should feel comfortable in opening up and being vulnerable around each other.