When your boyfriend constantly compares you with his mother, it usually means that he shares a very close bond with her. Probably, you share the same set of qualities that he admires in his mom.
Everyone expresses themselves in different ways. If you made a lovely meal, ideally, your boyfriend should say something like, “ I love how you made this salad; you are a fantastic cook.” But if your boyfriend is a mamma’s boy, he will prefer saying something like, “ You make this salad just like my mother has always made it”.
Maybe you will appreciate his compliment once or twice, but when he constantly compares you to his mother, it can make you feel a bit confused about things. Maybe he has good intentions, but when he continually fails to acknowledge your individuality, it can frustrate you.
Not all women will enjoy being compared to their boyfriend’s mother. Many will find it a bit awkward. Women are never comfortable being in a relationship with a mama’s boy. They do not like men who seek to be mothered the way their mother cares for them.
If you have been in a relationship for a very long period, you may not find anything objectionable in such a comparison. But on the other hand, if you’ve just started dating, his habit of comparing you to his mother can be a bit irritating for you.
When you do not share a very good relationship with your boyfriend’s mother, it will make this challenging situation even more challenging. How you take it will all depend on the type of understanding and compatibility you have with your boyfriend.
If you both respect and understand each other, you are more likely to tolerate each other’s behavior.
When A Man Compares You To His Mother And Tells You That She’s Better Than You
When dating a mama’s boy, you must understand that his mother will always come first for him.
His relationship with his mother will always be superior to his relationship with you. When he constantly criticizes, belittles, and compares you with others, it indicates that you are not having a healthy relationship with him.
You should be with someone who gives you the love, acceptance, and respect you deserve. It would help if you told him that you find his comparisons and belittling insulting and hurtful. His habit of comparing you to his mother indicates that he is looking for someone who can take up his mother’s role in his life.
Below are some important signs that your boyfriend shares an unhealthy relationship with his mother
He Is In Touch With Her Throughout The Day
There’s nothing wrong if he is in the habit of speaking to his mother every day; in fact, it says a lot about his personality. It can be destructive for your relationship when he spends hours everyday talking about you with his mother behind your back. It can be difficult when he doesn’t seem to have time for you but calls his mom three times a day, even if he is busy.
He Always Chooses Her Over You
When he is in a romantic relationship with you, he should prioritize you more than others. When you give him all the attention and importance, but he chooses his mother over you, then it’s a bad sign for your relationship.
Imagine you’re going out for dinner–you want to go to your favorite restaurant, but he won’t agree to it because his mother wants to go to a different restaurant.
Maybe you are okay with it now, but as your relationship progresses, him giving more priority to his mother can bring out the worst in you. It’s better if you can open up with him now about this issue and make him understand how this is making you feel.
He Is Dependent On Her For All Decision Making In His Life
In a romantic relationship, it is only the two of you who should be making the important decisions that affects both of your life. But it can be frustrating to see him going behind your back and seeking his mother’s opinion about these decisions.
If he values his mother’s opinions over yours, then it can be a big red flag for your relationship.
He Shares Everything With Her Without Any Filter
If he is a mama’s boy, he will share every small detail about his life with his mother. When he gives his mother unfiltered details about his relationship with you, it not only affects your relationship with the mother but will also make you feel betrayed by him.
His actions will make you lose trust in him. Maybe his behavior stems from his extra-ordinary closeness to his mother, but still saying things behind your back is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship.
It is a very irritating experience when his mother knows every minute and unfiltered detail about everything you say during fights and disagreements.
How To Deal With This Situation?
Let Him Know How You Feel About This.
If you Are confused about what to do when he compares you with his mother, the best thing is to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him.
Try to figure out the reason why he always feels compelled to draw a comparison between you and his mother. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable when he constantly belittles you.
Maybe he’s not aware that he is hurting your feelings. Sometimes a simple heart-to-heart conversation is all you need to overcome even the toughest challenges in your relationship.
Let him know how much you love and care for him and how his behavior is making you have second thoughts about this relationship.
Tell Him That It’s Not Important To Be Perfect
If you see him often putting you down, maybe it’s because he wants you to be just like his mother. He wants you to change yourself so that he can feel better about you.
It would be best if you made him realize that no one is perfect, and it is also not essential to be perfect.
Do Not Let Him Get Away With It
When you allow him to berate you and insult you by comparing you to his mother, not only do you send a message that it is okay for him to treat you like this.
You must understand that in a relationship, you must address these issues in a timely manner; otherwise, they can damage your relationship beyond repair.
Maybe he has no bad intentions when he’s comparing you with his mother, but the way he’s doing it can have a very negative effect on your mental health and your self-confidence.
Let him know that what he is doing is not healthy for this relationship. Rather than letting him go, figure out ways on how you can stop him from belittling you and taking you for granted.
Shut Him Down in The Middle
Rather than allowing him to be unkind and unfair to you, the next time he compares you to his mother, stop him then and there. Let him know that there are some boundaries that he should never cross.
Maybe, his mother is good at a lot of things, but that doesn’t make you inferior. He chose you for who you are. As a partner, his job is to always have your back and help you become a better version of yourself.
When he starts to derive pleasure from comparing & belittling you, it’ll soon become clear that your relationship has lost its meaning.