If you had a complicated relationship with your father, you would never want to be in a romantic relationship with someone who reminds you of your dad. But many times in life, things do not go as planned. So what if your life took an unexpected turn and you ended up in a relationship with someone who reminds you of your father?
He may remind you of your father, when
– He has the same talking style and interests
– He is short-tempered like your father
– He is more or less considerate like your father
– He has the same beliefs and values as your father, etc
Irrespective of what these similarities are, it can be an uncomfortable feeling when your boyfriend shares the same negative nature traits as your father. But this doesn’t necessarily mean you cannot have a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner.
It will not be in your best interest to break up with someone just because he has some similarities with your father. Before jumping to a conclusion, try to look at things from a better perspective and identify why you initially fell in love with him. Maybe his positives outweigh his negatives.
If your relationship with your father is less than ideal, it is natural for you to feel a bit disappointed when you see your boyfriend behaving just like him.
Is It Common For People To Fall Into Relationship With People who Remind Them Of Their Parents?
When you are with someone who shares the same qualities as your mother or father, their company makes you feel safe and comfortable. Maybe you do not share a healthy relationship with your parents, but still, you may feel attracted to people who have the same personality traits.
Familiarity sometimes gives you a sense of safety and comfort. You feel attracted to them because subconsciously, you think they will guard you against hurt and loss.
There is also a chance that by being with your boyfriend, subconsciously, you are trying to address the unresolved issues you had with your parents.
Maybe you do not realize that, but deep within you, you badly want to repair your relationship with your parents. Perhaps this deep secret desire is making you fall in love with someone who reminds you of your father.
If your father was never available to you in your childhood, you might see yourself falling for someone who is just like him and is always there for you. As you enter adulthood, you start to gain more control over your life.
You try to seek love, appreciation and acceptance that you never got in your childhood. To repair the wounds of your childhood, you fall in love with someone who reminds you of your parents.
Is It A Mistake To Be In A Relationship With Someone Reminiscent Of Your Father
If you shared an excellent relationship with your father, then being in a relationship with someone who reminds you of him can be a really happy and satisfying experience.
You like and appreciate your father because of his good personality traits. And when your boyfriend starts showing the same qualities, your relationship with him becomes very meaningful and satisfying. Maybe these qualities are the reason why you initially fell for him.
If your boyfriend is as kind and respectful as your father, it is natural for you to develop an attraction toward him.
If, on the other hand, your relationship with your father is less than ideal, then things could become a little challenging for you. Maybe as a child you badly wanted your parents to change themselves. But, because you didn’t have much control over things, you couldn’t do anything about it.
Now that you are an adult and are in a relationship with someone who carries the same personality patterns (and flaws) as your parents. You think that you have the opportunity, authority and control to fix those flaws. Maybe, you don’t realize it, but this whole dynamic may be the reason that encouraged you to get into a relationship with him.
The worst part is that once you successfully fix your boyfriend’s personality flaws, you suddenly start to lose interest in him. Because ‘fixing those flaws’ was the only thing keeping you interested in him.
If you share an unhealthy relationship with your father and your boyfriend reminds you of him, then there’s always the risk that your relationship with your boyfriend will sooner or later become unhealthy.
Although surprising, many of us are indeed more likely to fall for people who remind us of our parents. And this is more so in cases when we have a strained relationship with our parents.
For instance- If you grew up in a household where your father was over-controlling and never approved of what you do, you may still end up in a relationship with someone just like him just because they appear to be very familiar.
When He Reminds You Of Your Father, What Does It Mean For Your Relationship?
If you’ve recently realized that your boyfriend is just like your dad, and both of them are very close to you, it just means that your relationship with him will be likely to be more comfortable and free from trouble.
But if you’re not happy about the fact that your boyfriend reminds you of your father, then things can be a bit uncomfortable and unpredictable for you.
You may feel insecure about how the similarity will impact your relationship. In a situation like this, you need to ask yourself – are these similarities going to make your life easier, or will they make it more challenging?
In the initial stages infatuation stage of a relationship, when emotions are running high, we often get carried away with things. We forget to think about whether this is the right decision for us or not.
You need to figure out the answer to the question – “why you are in this relationship?”
– Does being with him make you feel happy, satisfied and healthy?
– Is it adding more value and meaning to your life?
– Or are you with him to repair the emotional wounds your father gave you?
If you conclude that this relationship is not healthy for you, you must open up with your boyfriend about it. You should be with someone who gives you the love, acceptance and respect you deserve.
If you think that being with him in a long relationship can have a strong negative effect on your mental and physical health, then it will be in your best interest to cut your losses and break up with him.
Below are some signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship
– Control – Your boyfriend never treats you as an equal. He tries to have control over every aspect of your life. You strongly believe that he never leaves the opportunity to belittle and disrespect you.
– No Trust – When you feel compelled to hide things from your partner or when you think he is hiding things from you, it is a sign that you don’t trust each other. The lack of trust is a top indicator that you have an unhealthy relationship with your partner.
– Disrespect – When your boyfriend is being dismissive, rude, unfair and unkind to you, it indicates that he may have fallen out of love with you. His behavior will often make you feel embarrassed, lonely and trapped.
– No communication – The key to a healthy relationship is good communication. When you feel uncomfortable opening up with him, when the two of you avoid discussing difficult topics, it is a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
You can have a satisfying relationship with your partner only when you feel comfortable being vulnerable around him. The level of communication you share with your partner will have a deep impact on your relationship or marital success.
If you think he really wants to be with you and there is a potential of having a happy and lasting relationship with him, then, by all means, try to see what’s wrong and fix it.
Figure out the ways to improve your connection and intimacy with him.
Control your temptation to overthink things, and don’t jump to conclusions too soon.