Relationships always start off with the honeymoon period. This is the stage where individuals try to know about each other as much as possible.
Then comes the adaptation phase; the highlight of this stage is that you start taking your special someone for granted for things they do for you.
These stages are followed by doubt and denial, disillusionment, friendship, and love.
Not all relationships will reach the final stage. People often end relationships when they are not able to put up with their partner’s shortcomings.
Sometimes it gets so toxic that things you initially loved about him start becoming a major cause of irritation and frustration for you.
You badly want your man to bring a change in him for the sake of the relationship.
It’s depressing when you remember the old good ol’ times. You were so in love, and you never ran out of things to talk about; it always felt like nothing could tear the two of you apart.
Your relationship is going through a rough patch, and you want to make it up in the best way possible. You believe if your partner works on improving himself, then bringing the relationship back on track will be much easier.
The big question – Is it a sensible thing to want a man to change? Do women even need it? Is it easy to change a man? If yes, how can it be done?
Why do women feel the need to change a man’s thinking and Behavior?
First and foremost, when a woman wants a man to change, it is because she loves and cares for him deeply. If there is no love, she will simply leave instead of trying to change him.
There are numerous situations where women will want their man to change –
The relationship has hit a rough patch – Things are not going the way they should go, you feel anxious and angry all the time. You ask yourself why you should tolerate him.
Compatibility issues – Things were really exciting during the initial honeymoon stage of the relationship when both of you were trying to know each other. But now that the honeymoon phase is over and you have a better idea about each other’s values and priorities, you think you are incompatible. In order to make this relationship healthy and meaningful, you try to convince your partner to change himself.
There are certain aspects of his personality that you don’t like – For instance, when he says he doesn’t want kids or when he spends more time on his work or friends than with you.
Comparisons – When you start comparing your partner to other men, you may start pressurizing him to be more successful, smart, witty, or committed.
When a woman thinks that things are not as great as she expected them to be or when the relationship stops being a comfortable experience for her, she will want her man to change himself.
When you try to bring a change in him, oftentimes, it turns out to be a futile exercise. You find it hard to understand why it is so difficult to convince him to change. You strongly believe that if he really loves you, it should not be that hard for him to change himself.
Why Men Find it Hard to Bring a Change in Themselves?
Guys are complicated; Everyone has so many different personality traits and motivations. It is tough to pinpoint why they are not willing to or find it hard to change the way they behave in a relationship.
1. Men and women are typically very different in their approaches to life.
Women often see the world differently than most men, with thoughts based on compassion, love, and understanding. In contrast, most people view a man as less compassionate and sentimental than a woman.
But, it doesn’t necessarily mean that men are less emotional as compared to women. If you don’t know what changes you need to bring in him, he may start thinking that you are exaggerating things. He will tell you that things are not as bad as you think they are.
Therefore you need to convey your feelings to him healthily and effectively. This will help both of you to have a better understanding of each other’s emotions and feelings.
2. Sometimes, men do not feel encouraged to change themselves because they believe that they are not causing any trouble to their partner.
Maybe he has the wrong idea and thinks you don’t have much problem with his behavior. For instance – Some men fail to respect their partner in a way that she deserves to be respected. When you allow your partner to disrespect you, things are likely to stay as bad as they are now.
3. When a man refuses to change himself, maybe it’s because he doesn’t love you.
When a man loves and cares for someone, he will make sure that she feels happy and comfortable with him. He will try to fulfil all her needs and desires. He will make sure that the relationship stays healthy and meaningful for both.
4. He has developed resentment for you.
Some women give way too much importance to changing their partner and end up making him feel like he needs to live and act according to her rules. This can negatively impact the bond they share with each other. For example, you must have come across women who constantly taunt their partner to get more fit, make more money, wear better clothes, or stop spending time with their friends.
5. He doesn’t love you back.
If he is not in love with you, he is unlikely to put effort into changing himself for you.
6. You never appreciate him.
If he thinks that are you constantly criticizing him doesn’t matter what he does; it will make him lose the encouragement to put effort into the relationship. It is not a very healthy habit to put your partner down all the time. Be reasonable and fair with him. If you don’t like him, rather than criticizing him all the time, just move on.
7. You disrespect him.
When you disregard his feelings and don’t give him the respect he deserves, it will affect your relationship with him in a very negative way. It is important for partners to consider each other as equals in the relationship. When you are always disrespecting him, he will not feel the enthusiasm to change himself
8. You are only focusing on his drawbacks.
Relationships succeed when both partners put in a joint effort to improve things. But when you ignore your drawbacks and pressure him to change himself, it is very unlikely for you to find a resolution for your relationship problems.
When he feels that you are compromising and making efforts to work on your problems, he is likely to get inspired by you and reciprocate by trying to overcome his drawbacks.
9. You Are Rude With Him.
If he finds you always speaking with him in a rude tone, he will not work on his behavior even if he wants to. Staying calm and being polite with your boyfriend helps you to navigate through even the toughest problems in the relationship. It helps you get the support you always wanted from your partner.
It’s important for people in a relationship to do their share to make things work. Suppose you want him to put more effort into the relationship. In that case, you also need to change your behavior and encourage him.
Try to become the best version of yourself, and it will inspire him to change himself for the betterment of the relationship.
What to do When You Find Your Partner’s Behavior Unacceptable?
If you truly love and care for him, the first option for you is to accept him the way he is. This is especially in the case if you believe that you can have a lasting and meaningful relationship with him. You have to convince yourself that it is OK to be imperfect and different.
The second option is to bring the relationship to an end. If you have concluded that you are not compatible with each other and the relationship is not worth fighting for, then it’s best to move on with your life. You should be with someone who gives you the love and respect you deserve.
If the relationship is not working the way it should, it is important to not take up all responsibility on yourself. It is not your duty to fix everything that is wrong with your partner. You got into this relationship to add more meaning and joy to your life.
If your relationship is starting to make you stressed or unhappy and feel trapped, it’s time to break up.
Sometimes relationships can be hard; just remember that you can’t change your partner as easily as you think. The only way to do it is by inspiring him, showing him the positives, and being open to changes yourself.