Making a relationship successful requires a lot of work. It is much more than romantic dates and fun moments that you spend together. The key to a successful and long-lasting relationship lies in having strong mutual understanding, mutual respect, trust, and communication. Many people develop toxic habits which damage their relationship beyond repair.
1.Expecting your partner to be always emotionally available.
You will agree that we often get upset with our partners because they were not emotionally available to us in tough times. We feel that they are not sympathetic enough about our poor emotional state; they never show up when we need them. Inside us, we get filled up with resentment, thinking they no more care about us.
While there is nothing wrong with seeking emotional support from your partner, but there is a huge difference between support and obligation. It is inappropriate to feel that your significant other is emotionally obligated to be there for you all the time. Instead of developing resentment against your partner, focus on building an environment where rather than being emotionally dependent on each other, you add to each other’s lives.
Couples in a meaningful relationship do not mind asking for their partner’s help when going through a rough patch. Instead of expecting them to initiate on their own and fix the situation for you, ask them for help. It is wrong to hold them responsible for not showing up on their own to heal your emotional distress every time.
2.Holding Grudges to use them as a leverage
In a relationship, When we hold a grudge against our partner, we do not simply put it forward every time. There can be many reasons behind this, maybe you do not want to sound complaining all the time, or you may want to avoid a conflict.
But when you start holding grudges against your partner to use them as leverage for future fights or arguments, you indulge in toxic behavior that will damage your relationship.
Your partner may start seeing you as someone who is keeping a record of all the wrongs (big or small) that he/she may have done in the past so that you can use it to win current arguments. Although this habit may seem normal to you, it can do irreversible damage to your relationship. It will entangle both of you in a continuous cycle of frustrating arguments that end without any resolution.
You may feel that you are innovative and very strategic by behaving this way, but rest assured, this will not get you what you want in the long run.
3. Trying to change who you are
To be loved more, many people will try to change who they are. Leaving your beliefs, molding your personality to make yourself more lovable will never work in the long run.
If you want to be involved in a lasting and happy relationship, you must try to identify your values and strengths instead of changing yourself. Your external behavior must work in tandem with your internal beliefs. To contribute to your relationship, you need mental strength, but when you try to project yourself as a different person than you are, you weaken yourself. The thoughts that you are not abundant and not good enough will start troubling you. If you want to be loved, you must stay internally strong; the toxic habit of trying to change who you are will destroy your confidence and make you mentally weak.
4. Excessive control
It is one of the worst toxic habits that one could develop during a relationship. If you constantly try to control your partner’s life, it can create a lot of trouble for your relationship. It could be that your partner has been complaining that you have become controlling, or you may have realized that you have developed a controlling behavior. Whatever the situation is, it is in your best interest to put a stop to this habit.
Most people will try to control their significant other’s life because of their anxiety. At the same time, others will do it because of a lack of mutual trust. When you stop trusting your partner, you start to feel unsafe in your relationship. By exerting control over him/her, you get a short-term feeling of being safe.
Some people lean towards this toxic habit when they are unsatisfied with their partner’s decisions and choices. This feeling is usually a result of a belief that you make the best choices.
You think that you can control your partner by using your strategies, but you can’t. It doesn’t matter how good you are, how hard you try; you won’t be able to control anyone except yourself. You may influence him/her, but it is very much different from having control. When you put in too much effort to control your partner, you will push them away from you, and they are more likely to behave in a manner that you don’t want them to.
If you wish to get rid of this habit, you must focus on finding ways to control your anxiety.
Keep in mind that you can’t control your significant other; your efforts to change them will move them away from you and make things worse.
Develop mutual trust and focus on positive changes that you can bring to make this relationship thrive.
5. Making demands and being adamant about them
In a relationship, some people will develop the habit of making demands from their better halves while not leaving any room for them to say no. Behaving like this once in a while is ok, but when you turn this into a habit, it makes your relationship toxic. When you are deeply in love with your partner, no doubt, it does give you the privilege to get some special favors from him/her, but things go south when people start misusing these privileges.
If you need any help or favor from your beau, it is better to ask. There is a huge difference between asking and demanding. When you ask your partner, you put yourself at risk of being rejected, and you make yourself seem needy. This vulnerability is important; when you open up like this with your partner, it strengthens the bond between you two. Asking improves mutual trust between a couple, whereas demanding damages the relationship.
6. Trying to bring change
Everyone has flaws in them. Many people damage their perfect relationship by continuously trying to bring change to their partner. If you genuinely believe in your current relationship and are into it seriously, then you should try to ignore your partner’s harmless habits.
It is very difficult to change others; you should try to love and accept your partner the way they are. Instead of focusing on their bad habits, try to focus on things that made you fall in love with them in the first place. It is not entirely impossible to change anyone, but people are more likely to change when they are loved and accepted the way they are. Love the way they are, enjoy each moment with them, celebrate your relationship, stop trying to make them perfect.
7. Lying to make them feel good
When your partner asks for your honest opinion about something, rather than being straightforward, you may try to sugarcoat your words so that they don’t feel hurt. You do it because you care for your partner’s feelings, but this habit of not being completely honest can hurt your relationship in the long term.
When you are deeply in love with your partner, you two need to be honest with each other. Because, down the line, when your partner discovers your dishonesty, it will break the trust between you two. The truth may be bitter; being straightforward about it might create some short-term conflict between you two, but being honest about it will strengthen your relationship in the long term.