How to fix a relationship that is falling apart

When things are not right between you two, everything seems to fall apart. Negativity surrounds everywhere; there are heated and tensed moments throughout the day. There was a time when you two would cherish each moment spent together, but now you both say hurtful things to each other; there are only fights that end without any resolutions. There is a deep feeling that this relationship is not going to last longer.

Just because things are not going in the right direction doesn’t mean you should give up. If you genuinely care about this relationship, you must try to find a solution; there is always a way to turn things around.

Like all other things in life, relationships also require proper nurturing and attention. It is common for couples to take things too lightly and not pay enough attention to each other. As a result, they start feeling unhappy and uncomfortable together, which further damages their bond. 

When your relationship hits a rough spot, it usually is not because of one single reason. There are series of misunderstandings, disappointments, and unresolved conflicts that lead to unhappy relationships.

 You can easily save even the most strained relationships with love, understanding, and compassion. Below are some valuable tips for people trying to rebuild their relationships.

1. Forgive  

We all make mistakes; It is part of our human nature. We become better by learning from these mistakes. Forgiveness is key to a happy relationship. It would help if you stopped judging your partner based on past mistakes. Being stubborn and unforgiving is not healthy for you or your relationship. It is not unusual for you or your partner to say something hurtful when going through a tough time. You mustn’t take these comments personally, be forgiving and let them know that you understand their emotions.

When you start judging your partner, it makes them feel uncomfortable. It affects them psychologically, and as a result, they stop being vulnerable around you, they are no more willing to open up, they are hesitant to let you know how they feel. Instead of talking to you, they now discuss their feelings with their friends or close family members. This will have adverse effects on your relationship.

2.Be understanding 

If you want to be understood by your partner, you must make an effort first to understand them. When you get into a fight with him/her, and things start to worsen day by day, there will be a growing urge amongst you two to increase the intensity to get your point across. When you do this, you will not understand the point of view of your significant half. This makes it difficult for both of you to have a constructive and meaningful conversation.

(Also Read: My Husband or Boyfriend Takes Me for Granted. What Should I Do?)

Instead of being more intense, the better option will be to slow down and make a serious effort to understand your partner’s feelings. Only when the other person feels that they are being understood should you try to put your point across and expect them to understand you. 

There is a difference between understanding someone and agreeing with their perspective. Many people will not make any effort to understand their partner because they think it will mean that they agree with their partner’s thoughts. Even though you disagree, it is helpful if you make them feel that you understand their perspective. 

3. Be Honest

Trying to Rebuild the relationship on your own might not go as you expect. You will have to work on it together. Be honest and let them know how you feel about the current situation. Make him/her aware of how you are becoming unsure about this relationship; they should know how serious you are about the current issues in your relationship. The intention should not be to threaten your partner, instead focus on how you can involve them in fixing the mess.

Honesty in a relationship is all about being authentic and straightforward with your partner. Whether it is about big or small things, you should always be truthful to the person you love. 

We are often afraid of being honest to our partners; even when we are incredibly frustrated and angry about things, we do not convey these feelings to them for one reason or the other. We are worried that talking about these issues will give birth to another conflict. 

By letting them know about your concern, you allow them to work together in rebuilding this relationship. Keeping these concerns to yourself and not talking about them will increase your anger and frustration. It is not uncommon for your anger to get out of control and become destructive in rough situations like these. Never hide anything from him/her, be your true self with them; they should know who you are, what you think, and how you feel about things.

4. Proper communication 

 Remember the early days of your relationship; when you talked for hours each day, you felt so happy about having long conversations with your partner about each aspect of your life. But now, most days will pass where you have not spoken even for a minute with each other. 

(Also Read: How to End a First Date the Right Way? )

Although, as time progresses, the number of conversations you have with your partner in a day may reduce slightly, when couples completely stop speaking with each other, it creates a big problem for them. Without communication, without sharing of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, the relationship becomes unsustainable. 

Not communicating with your partner indicates that they have stopped being a priority for you. Having positive and effective communication is the key to a successful and meaningful relationship.

It’s never too late; start talking with your partner the way you used to in the good old days. Effective communication will bring back the feeling of togetherness.

5. Understand your contribution to the problem

When there is a conflict in a relationship, everyone finds it easier to blame their partner. You may be upset about how your partner is behaving, but you need to reflect on yourself as well. Find out how you have also contributed to the problem.

Every person has their flaws, but it creates friction in our relationship when we start defending our flaws instead of accepting them.

Many people will have complete clarity about what their partner is doing wrong in their relationship, but they will have no idea about their contribution to the problem. If you want to thrive in any relationship, you need to understand your weakness. Remember that if you do not identify and resolve these behavior patterns contributing to the problems in the current relationship, you will carry these along to your next relationship.  

There is a possibility that the problem is not your behavior or something you’ve done; the main cause could be the difference in views or lifestyle. If this is the case, you both should discuss if you can compromise on these basic differences together. 

6. Compatibility

If you want to fix your broken relationship, you need to understand the concept of compatibility. Opposites attract; maybe this is why you, in the first place, started dating someone who has nothing in common with you.

Compatibility is not about having common likes or dislikes. A couple is compatible when there is equality and mutual respect. Relationships thrive when both of you have fun together; you enjoy each other’s company. You both are compatible when you have common fundamental beliefs when you have primarily the same views regarding what is right and wrong, what is acceptable, and what is not permitted.

If you want to fix your relationship, you must evolve yourself to improve compatibility between you two.

7. Acknowledge your partner’s perspective.

When trying to save your relationship, you must understand that you are not there to fight with each other; in fact, you both are on the same team. The only thing you should be fighting for is how to make this relationship thrive.

When things are not going in the right direction, people tend to entangle themselves in an emotional trap; they get stuck attacking or defending themselves. They are unable to see the bigger picture.

When you start looking at things from your partner’s perspective, it helps you understand the current dynamics. It enables you to realize that you are not the only one here going through painful times; at the present moment, the person you love is also feeling the same pain. Understanding their perspective and showing up for them is what you should be doing at these times.  

When your partner feels that you are trying to see things from their perspective, they will do the same for you. This will bring a much-needed positive change and will help you create a loving relationship.

Do not worry too much about imperfection. All couples face differences and difficulties. Allow your partner to be imperfect sometimes, do not fight them for their flaws. The key to a successful relationship lies in identifying its strengths. Instead of focusing on problems and imperfections, focus on strengths and find ways to use these strengths to make your relationship stronger. 



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